Saturday, August 10, 2013
Maternity Shots!
Labels:
Family,
Our Baby Boy,
Pregnancy,
Steven James
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Baby # 2 NAME is.... (Drum Roll)
Steven James Gonzalez.........!!!
Steven means: "Crowned One" "Victorious." Greek origin.
James means: "He Supplants/supplies" Hebrew/ Greek origin.
STEVEN:
Steven means: "Crowned One" "Victorious." Greek origin.
James means: "He Supplants/supplies" Hebrew/ Greek origin.
STEVEN:
- References in Bible: Acts chapters 6 & 7
- Stephen was the first martyr of the Christian church. stoned to death.
- Stephen was a man of faith and full of the Holy Spirit.
- The name Steven is derived from the Greek language meaning Stephanous "crown"
JAMES:
- References in Bible: Book of James, also mentioned in all four gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
- James, apostle was also a martyr.
- Servant of God for the Lord Jesus Christ.
- Was a fisherman of men.
The reason why we chose this name is because of my father, Steve James. Though I am not biologically his this man has been there from the beginning. My dad never had children, but we get to call us his. We felt that it would only be appropriate to name our son Steven because we want my dad to live through our son. I want my son growing up in my husband and my fathers footsteps. I want my son to be a God fearing man, a humble man, a man after God's own heart.
Steven James Gonzalez we can't wait for your arrival.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
5 months, New YEAR!
Hello! It has been quite some time that I've been away from the blogging world. I've missed being able to write down my thoughts and share with some of you who read some of my writings. I'd like to start by saying that A LOT has changed in 5 months. And I'm happy to know that change is good, change is needed. Let me start off by saying that Derek and I are expecting baby # 2!!! Zyana-Lee is going to be a BIG sister to a baby BROTHER! We are due in late August and we were beyond shocked to know that we would be expecting again. We talked about trying again but, bang. It happened all within a month time. God is good, because the Lord does give you the desires of your heart, and I have to say that our desire was to have another and He is faithful because he finally gave us a boy. I am also pleased to announce that I am back in school. Working on the masters degree in psychology/professional counseling and though grad school is quite expensive I know that it is all worth the time and effort for our growing family. Besides the current news with a new pregnancy my little Zyana is a trip. Right now baby doll is at that stage where she repeats everything you say, so lately I've been trying to stop the words: crap, bs, dang it, oh man, what the!, and a few others.. Though their not bad words, they are bad habits to me and the last thing I want is my daugther picking up on those words.
Well, I plan to be back to the vlogging world. My time management is improving but I'd love to finally get on a good schedule with everything we all go. until next time,
Night!
Well, I plan to be back to the vlogging world. My time management is improving but I'd love to finally get on a good schedule with everything we all go. until next time,
Night!
Labels:
Grad school,
Our Baby Girl,
Pregnancy,
School,
Zyana-Lee Grace
Monday, October 8, 2012
Can Christians loose salvation?
Can me, as a
Christian Lose’ Salvation?
I personally don't
believe if you're a truly saved Christ follower, that all the sudden just lose
your salvation. The only way I believe salvation is lost, is by our own
admission. If someone who 'claimed' to be Christian, then rejected God
and chooses to walk away wanting nothing to do with Him anymore, in my eyes
they've made the choice to renounce the very God who saved them. The Bible
gives no evidence that the "new birth" can be taken away. For a believer
to become unsaved, they would have to willingly detach themselves from the Body
of Christ.
Those who faithfully serve Christ, but make small mistakes, your human just like everyone. The time to worry is when that sin becomes repetition. Christ did die for all our sins and forgiveness is available for all, but we need to learn from our mistakes and strive to move forward. The bible talks in Revelation and John about being "Overcomers". We must uphold our lives to whom WE'VE dedicated it too. The Christian life is a race to the very end (Hebrews 12:1), we can't cop out as soon as we get winded or decide to take a break near the home stretch.
There is this common myth going around the minds of Christians that every single time you sin, you can lose your salvation. Also the worse you sin, your just an even more evil, terrible person and why would the Lord love you enough to accept you as His own. This is a lie and all those who believe it are extremely mistaken with God's forgiveness and mercy(Romans 5:8). But lets get one thing straight, GOD HATES SIN, He can't stand it, but when Christ died for all sins, God gave us a chance to repent to experience his mercy. John 3:16 states who so ever believes in Him, will have eternal life. Not who so ever believes in Him shall have eternal life, but I'll take it back when I want to. If your saved and fully dedicated your eternally secure: "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand" (John 10:28-29b)
To all those who would fall under the term "backslidden Christian," the "I'm saved, but I’m really struggling right now." I would seriously have to wonder if they got truly saved in the first place. If your life doesn't reflect somewhat of a change and if your still living in the same sin that you supposedly got saved out of, you need to start rethinking you life and ask God where do you stand. Anyone can claim Christ as Savior, but those who are truly saved will bear visible fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).
Now there will be periods in a Christian's life where there is no visible fruit. What happens during these times of disobedience is that God removes from us the assurance of our salvation. He doesn't remove our salvation, but the assurance of it. David prayed in Psalm 51 to restore to him the "joy of salvation" (Psalm 51:12). We lose the joy of our salvation when we live in sin. That is why we must examine ourselves and get our lives right with Christ.
We cant look at Salvation as a "get out of hell free card" or accept Christ and refuse to do anything with it. To me this falls under the lines of quenching or blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:30).
So if you're a true full hearted Christ follower, this question shouldn't even matter to you. Why? Because God has placed inside of you the sure fact you will see heaven one day. But if your semi sure your saved but your life is so mixed up in sex, drugs, drinking, cursing and so forth to the point no one would see Christ in you, there is a good chance you may have not been saved to start with. Being saved you life should start to reflect the life of Christ. Giving up the old and transforming into a "New Creation" in Christ.
This is my opinion, feel free to disagree. Dig in your bible, get into the 'WORD' and draw your own conclusions.
Those who faithfully serve Christ, but make small mistakes, your human just like everyone. The time to worry is when that sin becomes repetition. Christ did die for all our sins and forgiveness is available for all, but we need to learn from our mistakes and strive to move forward. The bible talks in Revelation and John about being "Overcomers". We must uphold our lives to whom WE'VE dedicated it too. The Christian life is a race to the very end (Hebrews 12:1), we can't cop out as soon as we get winded or decide to take a break near the home stretch.
There is this common myth going around the minds of Christians that every single time you sin, you can lose your salvation. Also the worse you sin, your just an even more evil, terrible person and why would the Lord love you enough to accept you as His own. This is a lie and all those who believe it are extremely mistaken with God's forgiveness and mercy(Romans 5:8). But lets get one thing straight, GOD HATES SIN, He can't stand it, but when Christ died for all sins, God gave us a chance to repent to experience his mercy. John 3:16 states who so ever believes in Him, will have eternal life. Not who so ever believes in Him shall have eternal life, but I'll take it back when I want to. If your saved and fully dedicated your eternally secure: "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand" (John 10:28-29b)
To all those who would fall under the term "backslidden Christian," the "I'm saved, but I’m really struggling right now." I would seriously have to wonder if they got truly saved in the first place. If your life doesn't reflect somewhat of a change and if your still living in the same sin that you supposedly got saved out of, you need to start rethinking you life and ask God where do you stand. Anyone can claim Christ as Savior, but those who are truly saved will bear visible fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).
Now there will be periods in a Christian's life where there is no visible fruit. What happens during these times of disobedience is that God removes from us the assurance of our salvation. He doesn't remove our salvation, but the assurance of it. David prayed in Psalm 51 to restore to him the "joy of salvation" (Psalm 51:12). We lose the joy of our salvation when we live in sin. That is why we must examine ourselves and get our lives right with Christ.
We cant look at Salvation as a "get out of hell free card" or accept Christ and refuse to do anything with it. To me this falls under the lines of quenching or blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:30).
So if you're a true full hearted Christ follower, this question shouldn't even matter to you. Why? Because God has placed inside of you the sure fact you will see heaven one day. But if your semi sure your saved but your life is so mixed up in sex, drugs, drinking, cursing and so forth to the point no one would see Christ in you, there is a good chance you may have not been saved to start with. Being saved you life should start to reflect the life of Christ. Giving up the old and transforming into a "New Creation" in Christ.
This is my opinion, feel free to disagree. Dig in your bible, get into the 'WORD' and draw your own conclusions.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
MY BABY is 1!
I haven’t posted any new blogs in a few months, but I do have so much to write about. Today, we officially have a 1 year old. My little girl Zyana-Lee Grace Gonzalez was born at 10:02 AM weighing 7 pounds 3.2 ounces, 19 inches of pure perfection. Derek and I have been so unbelievably blessed, God has been so good to us. In the past year I have learned to be patient, understanding, loving, and compassionate about all things that involve my family. Becoming a mother has been one of the best investments we’ve made. All the sleepless nights, upset tummy aches, colds, coughs, teething, diapy rashes, and midnight crying has made everything so awesome to be a mom. And Derek, Derek is as just amazing. He has been such a good dad, watching him with our daughter just amazes me. God gave me a good husband and he gave Zyana an amazing dad. We are beginning to look forward and hopefully very soon add to our family. In the meantime, we are going to soak up her love, enjoy the kisses, laughs, giggles and cuddles she has to offer.
This year has been awesome. We are closing on our third quarter of the year and its nice to finally see the weather changing and getting cooler. This month, Derek transferred to University of Phoenix to complete his bachelors program, and this month I’ve begun a new endeavor of starting graduate school at the Grand Canyon University. I’m kind of scared and excited at the same time for the both of us to be in school. Definitely looking forward to tiresome nights of late night homework and coffee together. Yesterday, Derek had his first night of class, he was home by 10:30, the baby was already asleep so he asked me to help him with his homework, I got a smile on my face, so it begins.
This year has been awesome. We are closing on our third quarter of the year and its nice to finally see the weather changing and getting cooler. This month, Derek transferred to University of Phoenix to complete his bachelors program, and this month I’ve begun a new endeavor of starting graduate school at the Grand Canyon University. I’m kind of scared and excited at the same time for the both of us to be in school. Definitely looking forward to tiresome nights of late night homework and coffee together. Yesterday, Derek had his first night of class, he was home by 10:30, the baby was already asleep so he asked me to help him with his homework, I got a smile on my face, so it begins.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Happy First Fathers day. A letter to Derek
Dear Derek,
I will never forget the moment I found
out I was going to be a mommy. It was nerve wracking to say the least, and a
dream come true to say the most. While completely unexpected, having Zyana-Lee was
the single most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me.
I
remember just feeling like
something inside of me was different. I knew I was pregnant. My day ended at
work and I rushed on the freeway to hurry home, my gut feeling told me
something was different. I couldn’t help
myself so I pulled into Target, rushing I went and bought a pregnancy test
really hoping that it showed pregnant; and petrified at the same time thinking
this cannot be happening to me! I got home, did the test, anxiously
waiting. It was positive. For sure I thought the test was broken. As I shook the thing hoping it would take one
line away, I remembered I had another test.
15 mins later I took the other test. At 5:20 PM and at 5:45 PM on
January 17th, 2012 it was confirmed, I was pregnant.
I
was so scared. I was home alone. You were at the gym, I called you in a panic
telling you, “you need to come home.”
You came home, Vanessa and you were both in the kitchen and I broke the
news to you and Vanessa at the same time.
I can clearly remember the look on your face, your face said, “oh
Crap.” After about 5 minutes of bare
silence from you, you said everything is going to be okay.
The
next months were spent pouring over baby books and deciding on names. I wanted Zachariah or Ezekiel you wanted
Robert, a girl name clearly never occurred to us. It was about that time when we were going to
find out the sex of the baby. We were
expecting a boy, when the technician told us that she saw 3 little lines my
heart just about broke. We were having a
girl.
The
day that Zyana-Lee was born you transformed into the most amazing
father. You were there right from the start. I saw tears in your eyes as you
held your daughter for the first time. And you were eager to learn the basics,
even changing the first diaper. Not only were you there for her, but you were
there for me. For everything I needed, you stood by me and helped me through it
all.
I remember clearly our exhausted
nights, crying as I pumped and nursed at 3 am. You took Zyana- Lee and fed her
bottles, changed her diapers, and encouraged me to continue what I was doing.
Your encouragement for everything I do is amazing. You are my rock when I feel
like falling apart.
We
are raising a beautiful gorgeous 9 month old baby. I could not be happier sharing this parenting
journey with you. When I have needed you, you are there. When you need me, I am
there for you. So far we’ve fought
diaper rashes, high fevers, endless tiresome nights, and a whiny teething baby.
We continue to do so and you continue to amaze me. Seeing the way you and
Zyana-Lee laugh and play together is so beautiful. It brings tears to my eyes
to see how much our daughter loves you. Her little eyes light up second you
walk through the door
You
are a true blessing to our family. You work so hard to provide for us and only
ask for love in return. You teach us gratitude every day. You mean the world to
us. And we love you to the ends of the universe and back. Parenting with you is a true joy. We
are such a good team, Derek.
WE
love you,
Bernadette
& Zyana
Happy
first Fathers Day 2012
Love Story Part 3
|
Love story part 2
Derek and I met in 2004.
We both had our very
first jobs there. I was a team leader and he was just a regular
employee. I started to become friends with this guy and he was quite
annoying. He did this thing with his hair and he would throw it to the
side, like Prince Charming from the Shrek movie. Yes, he did that and he
would also go around saying, "I look good."and "woo" I could not stand
him.
Any time I saw my schedule and saw that we were working together I
would always make the attempt to get switched to a different position. I
did not like him at all and never saw this dude as husband material. I
think it was because we were young and both innocent. In 2004 I
graduated high school and it was time for me to start looking for
another job. According to my father working for Harkins theater past
high school was a "kiddie job." My dad forced me to find another one. So
in March of 2005 I resigned from Harkins and pursued a new position
with Bank of
America. I soon forgot about working for Harkins, but I did not forget
about my friends. Derek was still working at Harkins and in December of
2005 Derek joined the United States Navy and I was still at Bank of
America.
I soon began dating a guy we'll call Jake. Jake and I dated on
and off for two years; it was never really solid with us. But it was
cool. At this time we are now in 2007and MySpace was HUGE! One day on
MySpace I was searching for friends and I happen to come across Derek's
MySpace profile. I figured, "what the heck let me add this guy." We soon
became MySpace friends and we really hit it off. We talked daily, I had
ended it with Jake and Derek just ended a year long engagement with his
ex-fiance. Yes he was previously engaged, no we were not dating; we
just became really good friends. We grew up, it wasn't like the old days
of him annoying me, he he. My 21st birthday was coming up and Derek was
stationed in San Diego at the time he had
invited to me to come out for my 21st birthday weekend, and I did. It
was the first time that I was going to be seeing him in three years,I
wasn't sure what to expect. I'm not going to lie, I saw pictures of
Derek.. he definitely wasn't a teenager anymore, he was a man, a man in
uniform at that.. it was SEXY.
As much as I hate to admit this I began
loosing my focus and trust in God, but as the story continues God STILL
had his way even while we were disobedient.So it was the weekend of my birthday, November 3rd, 2007.
I arrive
at San Diego Airport around 8 PM. My first thought was, "what the heck
am I doing here?". He calls, he's waiting. Alright, got my luggage. And I
see him. Wow. He looked way more sexy in person. His smile, that smile
melted my heart and still does even when he looks at me that certain
way. I get in the car and we are on our way. It didn't even seem like we
didn't see each other for years. It felt completely normal.. almost
like we picked up where we last left off. That weekend set it off. I
instantly fell for him. It was amazing. Leaving him and heading back
home sucked, I wasn't sure how long it was going to be before I'd see
him again. Luckily, he was only 4 hours away so he'd drive down and I'd
fly there. It was any chance we got, we HAD to see each other. It was
official, we were dating.
Here's where things got off track. Derek and I were dating. I was
now "trying" to be a Christian and Derek was unsaved... in the worlds
terms, he didn't serve God. Fast forwarding to 2008. I am still in
Phoenix at this time, I finished with community college and I was still
at the bank and Derek was still in the Navy.. Soon it was time for him
to choose a base. I believe in his heart he wanted to be in Hawaii or
Spain. I wanted him here. I was not ready for us to have that long of a
long distant relationship, because it was already hard. Well his choice
was to switch from "blue" to "green" meaning he was going to be
stationed with Marines. He choose Camp Pendleton, California and soon
after he began training, "field med" training to be exact. At the time I
didn't realize what the training was going to be used for but now it
makes sense to me. He was going to war, we didn't know when or where but
at the time it didn't matter. He graduated Field
medical training in May of 2008. And I had made my mind up that I was
moving to California, really not putting much thought into it, I wanted
to be with him. It just didn't matter to me.
Now we are in September 2008, September 9th 2008 to be exact was
the day I picked up and moved my whole life to San Clemente/Capistrano
Beach CA. I was so scared. At this time my parents only met Derek once,
they heard about him and knew I liked him but they had no idea our
intentions. I moved in with a relative, and transferred jobs for Bank of
America out to California and I was registered for school. I was set.
Things were good. It was so awesome seeing him everyday. Everyday we
were together. Things began getting serious. This whole time I was in
heaven being with him that I overlooked one thing. Derek was preparing
to leave me. I really didn't know what I got myself into.. and this
whole time I was questioning myself, "did I make a mistake moving here?
This point in my life I was lost. I did not know what I was doing
and I felt like I didn't know who I was. I lost complete control in
trusting God, I am guilty of being completely disobedient to what God
had for my life. One day Derek and I went to a local mall, and he bought
me a wedding ring set. We were going to get married. We briefly talked
about it. We were going to get married.
We are now in November, It was going to be Thanksgiving. Me and
Derek were going to Arizona to visit. It was a Wednesday night, I
believe the 26th we were on our way. I had such a hard day, it was
pouring rain and I really didn't feel like driving. After work I was
meeting Derek, we were taking two cars. I ran out of gas on base and
everything was closed. Derek came and got me. Got gas, and I ended up
falling down in a huge puddle of muddy water. I was a hot mess. I did
not want to drive to Arizona that night, I wanted to rest. While crying,
Derek was filling up the gas on the side of the mountain on base, we
were stranded. As I sit in the car crying cause I am soaking wet Derek
opens the door. He gets down on one knee, in the pouring rain, on the
side of the road inclined on a mountain and asks me to be his wife. I
had to ask myself, Lord, is this from you? Please let me know if this is
from you.” And following that prayer was the most tremendous
feeling of peace and reassurance that I have experienced only from God.
It’s as if God said audibly to me, “I want you to do life with this
man.” My day was made. and off we went to Arizona.
The next day was Thanksgiving. We spent the holiday separated, he
was with his family I was with mine. I was wearing my engagement ring
and everyone in my family questioned me. I have to admit this, I lied
and told them that it was nothing. The next day is Friday November 28th,
2008. A spare the moment choice, Derek and I ran off and got married.
Not any of our family was present. But we loved each other and at the
time that is all that mattered. We kept silence and only told his dad. I
was so scared to tell my parents I wanted to keep in to ourselves
forever. I was devastated that my family wasn't there (even though it
was my choice.)
Love story part 1
Today I've been thinking a lot about my husband. about the fact that I am in complete awe of how God makes a way for things. Even in spite of when we see something, God turns the whole situation around. Lately my husband and I have been crazy busy and it seems as though time is still moving fast forward. I looked at our calender and this month is full of things that involve our part in the ministry. Derek and I are doing the entire sermon at church the last Sunday of June, myself and another Pastor are tag teaming the story of Deborah for the women's meeting this month and Derek is hosting the monthly men's meeting at our home, also the last Sunday of June. Meaning this month Derek and I are going to be spending a lot of time studying the Word of God together... which actually makes me happy because Derek is so intellectual when it comes to the Bible that he is so in-depth I feel like he is on a completely different learning level with the Bible.. which is fine by me. I'm so amazed to see God working, molding and doing a complete new thing in my husbands life. Even though the complaining sometimes comes a goes about how busy he is I know that God has got EVERYTHING IN CONTROL.
Aside from everything I am beyond thankful for the Man of God that my husband is and continues to be. I find myself falling more and more in love with this man. Today I found myself dwelling on the past and how we met.
So here goes our "love story:"
It seems as though most Christian girls are "I was and am waiting for God to bring me my husband, my perfect man" (Of course he wouldn't be perfect, but just about perfect, well at least perfect for you.) A few perspective guys came in and out of my life throughout high school and college and I almost thought for a moment that one of the guys I was dating was "thee one" boy I was wrong. I considered guys and contemplated if this was the only thing that I was seriously waiting for. I liked this guy, I spent time analyzing whether or not that he could be the one, had lots of dates, phone calls and good times but at some point in the relationship I had with this guy I realized that he could not be the one I was waiting for and then I ended the relationship. The cycle of being in a relationship with him was dissatisfying and disappointing. Finally, in 2006, God had revealed to the error to my prayer of waiting on HIM to bring me my husband. (Oh, God, he is surely a funny one)
"I'm waiting on God to bring me my husband."
Is there anything wrong with this statement? It might not seem like it. It is good and right to wait on God’s timing concerning marriage and dating instead of trying to do things in our own way. But if that is the ONLY THING that we are waiting on, we have an incorrect perspective. Think about it... What are you more excited about: Jesus Christ or your future husband? God has and will never be designed to simply be the means for us to receive things. God wants us to BE OUR EVERYTHING. I finally became content knowing that whenever God was ready I was ready but in the meantime I wanted to soak up God like NEVER before. I was still living at home, still going to Jr college and had a good steady job.. at this point in time dating wasn't even in my vocabulary.
In Hosea 2:16, God speaks to His people saying, "And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, "That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ And no longer call Me ‘My Master.’" One of the most common reasons that we, as Christian women, long for marriage and relationships more than God is because we don’t know how to fall in love with God.
We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth. This is a terrible situation, because our GREATEST commandment is to "love the Lord you God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength" (Mark 12:29-30)! Not simply to put God first in your daily activities, but LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY! What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? To love someone with all your mental capacity? To love someone with your whole being? With all the strength that you have within you? That is a passionate love!
Unfortunately, I have found that the majority of girls I talk to have never experienced this kind of love for God. They know how to please God, how to do the things that He wants them to do, how to look like they are passionate about Him, but their hearts are set on something they perceive to be more passionate. We need to repent and surrender this idol we have made. So what do we as women do with how our heart is?
We must repent: turn from that which has become our heart’s desire and return to the loving arms of our savior. The process is two-fold: surrendering what has taken God’s place and then returning to and falling in love with the person of God:our first love. Christ was my first love, even though I am guilty of having forgotten Him. My mind got so wrapped in the idea of being married and starting a family that I truly lost focus of what God had planned for my life .My struggle to allow God to be in control of this area of my life was not easy. The thought of surrendering this to God seemed impossible. I was scared of not being in control. Because our hearts are so fragile, it is hard to let someone else have complete control. Although we know the Lord knows us inside and out
(Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16), He’s always been faithful (Psalm 89:8, 2 Tim 2:13), and He works everything out for our good (Romans 8:28), it is still hard to completely give up control. But just because it’s hard or scary, doesn't mean we shouldn't do it anyway.
Boy I wanted to be in control of every situation that involved my future husband. I was so concerned and mind wrapped on ever characteristic. I laid everything out to Christ, down to what he would look like. How we would meet, maybe we could be friends first then see how it goes then maybe get married, go to school together, how he would propose, how long we would be engaged, you know things that women think about. Yes, I had thought through it that much.
The final thing I longed to pray was, "LORD, if you don’t even want me to have a husband, then that’s OK. And if you do, then you decide who, bring him about whenever you want and however you want to. I don’t care any more. All I want is you." That statement, "I don’t care anymore" was a hard thing to finally be able to say truthfully, because, honestly, I did care a whole lot. I looked forward to meeting my husband, dating him, and marrying him a lot more than I looked forward to growing closer to and falling more in love with Jesus. However, being able to say, "I don’t care anymore" was the beginning of my freedom.
I finally allowed God to be in control, and it was so rewarding. The relief of letting go and letting God have his way in my life was a beautiful new chapter in my life.
So here goes our "love story:"
It seems as though most Christian girls are "I was and am waiting for God to bring me my husband, my perfect man" (Of course he wouldn't be perfect, but just about perfect, well at least perfect for you.) A few perspective guys came in and out of my life throughout high school and college and I almost thought for a moment that one of the guys I was dating was "thee one" boy I was wrong. I considered guys and contemplated if this was the only thing that I was seriously waiting for. I liked this guy, I spent time analyzing whether or not that he could be the one, had lots of dates, phone calls and good times but at some point in the relationship I had with this guy I realized that he could not be the one I was waiting for and then I ended the relationship. The cycle of being in a relationship with him was dissatisfying and disappointing. Finally, in 2006, God had revealed to the error to my prayer of waiting on HIM to bring me my husband. (Oh, God, he is surely a funny one)
"I'm waiting on God to bring me my husband."
Is there anything wrong with this statement? It might not seem like it. It is good and right to wait on God’s timing concerning marriage and dating instead of trying to do things in our own way. But if that is the ONLY THING that we are waiting on, we have an incorrect perspective. Think about it... What are you more excited about: Jesus Christ or your future husband? God has and will never be designed to simply be the means for us to receive things. God wants us to BE OUR EVERYTHING. I finally became content knowing that whenever God was ready I was ready but in the meantime I wanted to soak up God like NEVER before. I was still living at home, still going to Jr college and had a good steady job.. at this point in time dating wasn't even in my vocabulary.
In Hosea 2:16, God speaks to His people saying, "And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, "That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ And no longer call Me ‘My Master.’" One of the most common reasons that we, as Christian women, long for marriage and relationships more than God is because we don’t know how to fall in love with God.
We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth. This is a terrible situation, because our GREATEST commandment is to "love the Lord you God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength" (Mark 12:29-30)! Not simply to put God first in your daily activities, but LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY! What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? To love someone with all your mental capacity? To love someone with your whole being? With all the strength that you have within you? That is a passionate love!
Unfortunately, I have found that the majority of girls I talk to have never experienced this kind of love for God. They know how to please God, how to do the things that He wants them to do, how to look like they are passionate about Him, but their hearts are set on something they perceive to be more passionate. We need to repent and surrender this idol we have made. So what do we as women do with how our heart is?
We must repent: turn from that which has become our heart’s desire and return to the loving arms of our savior. The process is two-fold: surrendering what has taken God’s place and then returning to and falling in love with the person of God:our first love. Christ was my first love, even though I am guilty of having forgotten Him. My mind got so wrapped in the idea of being married and starting a family that I truly lost focus of what God had planned for my life .My struggle to allow God to be in control of this area of my life was not easy. The thought of surrendering this to God seemed impossible. I was scared of not being in control. Because our hearts are so fragile, it is hard to let someone else have complete control. Although we know the Lord knows us inside and out
(Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16), He’s always been faithful (Psalm 89:8, 2 Tim 2:13), and He works everything out for our good (Romans 8:28), it is still hard to completely give up control. But just because it’s hard or scary, doesn't mean we shouldn't do it anyway.
Boy I wanted to be in control of every situation that involved my future husband. I was so concerned and mind wrapped on ever characteristic. I laid everything out to Christ, down to what he would look like. How we would meet, maybe we could be friends first then see how it goes then maybe get married, go to school together, how he would propose, how long we would be engaged, you know things that women think about. Yes, I had thought through it that much.
The final thing I longed to pray was, "LORD, if you don’t even want me to have a husband, then that’s OK. And if you do, then you decide who, bring him about whenever you want and however you want to. I don’t care any more. All I want is you." That statement, "I don’t care anymore" was a hard thing to finally be able to say truthfully, because, honestly, I did care a whole lot. I looked forward to meeting my husband, dating him, and marrying him a lot more than I looked forward to growing closer to and falling more in love with Jesus. However, being able to say, "I don’t care anymore" was the beginning of my freedom.
I finally allowed God to be in control, and it was so rewarding. The relief of letting go and letting God have his way in my life was a beautiful new chapter in my life.
Friday, March 30, 2012
6 Months and taking over the world one heart at a time.
Taking over the world one heart at a time for every single person she comes through her life.. Getting only more charming as each day passes, stealing the hearts of all who cross her path, she has the smile of her father.. it melts hearts. There has been so much change within the last few months with my darling little daughter. She's now sitting up, she sits in her high chair, bounces in her bouncer, pushes BACK in her walker and loves to play alone with all her toys in her own room. Sure do have mixed feelings about how much shes changing. Officially now she is in STAGE 2 of baby Gerber food... stage 2- SITTER. :) And she’s fetchingly chubbed out at 17 pounds. Story-time has taken over as her favourite activity, next to music-time. Loving the sound of her own voice, she can frequently be heard throughout the walls of our home babbling in a sing-song voice at the top of her lungs. And may I add... she is self-weaning the devil (The PACIFIER) lol
Her newest little adventure: taking her socks off. Well, actually she's been doing it quite some time now but its consistent even more.. she HATES socks on.. and personally I cannot STAND to see babies without socks on.. and now my daughter LOVES to be without socks. HA. just my luck. But my baby girl is progressing good. Here are are new stats as of today... She had her 6 month doctors appointment.
03/29/2012
Weight: 16 Pounds 12 Ounces
Height: 25 1/2 inches.
Head Circumference is: 43.5 centimeters.
Her newest little adventure: taking her socks off. Well, actually she's been doing it quite some time now but its consistent even more.. she HATES socks on.. and personally I cannot STAND to see babies without socks on.. and now my daughter LOVES to be without socks. HA. just my luck. But my baby girl is progressing good. Here are are new stats as of today... She had her 6 month doctors appointment.
03/29/2012
Weight: 16 Pounds 12 Ounces
Height: 25 1/2 inches.
Head Circumference is: 43.5 centimeters.
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