Friday, June 18, 2010

In the last three months

In the last three months..

Well so much has changed in my life in the last few months and I don't even know where to begin.. So ill start right up until my husband departed from me. Feb of 2010 we were announced with the news that my husband would be deploying with 2/5. Before him being in 2/5 he was in 3/5 and him transitioning to another battalion happened within a blink of an eye. Nevertheless we both did what we had to do and we went with the flow, as soon as he transitioned that's when the news was announced he'd be heading to Afghanistan in less than a few weeks. Oddly enough, Derek decided to tell me this news on a Friday night, the night we went to file on 2009 taxes. As shockingly as it was I was a little disappointed not only because I wanted him home, but just because it seemed like he just got back from the his last deployment. Well, with him deploying so soon we had to figure out everything and what we were gonna do. So granted, my lovely amazing father and my awesome husband thought it would be best if I move back to Arizona for the time being, (without really telling me they decided that). I was so upset they decided this without consulting me, because I wanted to stay in SoCal, I had a great job I loved my instructors at school and I was set. So I was a little furious that they made the decision for me.. Well we had about 2 weeks to figure out what we were gonna do, well I ended up moving back to Arizona. Well, it was almost that time, and time flew by so fast, we ended up putting all of our belongings in storage, and I was heading home.. Well, Derek left on March 26th en route to Afghanistan, and on March 27th I began the long journey home, with our dog Molly Coco and a car full of the little things I needed. As time passed Derek landed in Ireland for a few days of having a flight lay over. And as I was trying to get my life squared away I instantly started missing him. Well, it was not too long that Derek officially arrived in Afghanistan and that's when it all started..

Weeks have finally started going by faster, I transferred from the southern california campus to phx and I was back on top of things. I heard from Derek often, and things were going good. I started watching my niece every single day. She's 6 months old now, and she has captured a piece of my heart that only she will ever have. In the last three months I've changed my decision about wanting to be a parent. Mariah has softened my heart beyond words. She has truly been a little inspiration to me, and because of her I want children! Ask me that last year about wanting kids I woulda punched you in your jugular. :-). But she has forever changed me.

On mothers day of this year, I asked my mother to forgive me of all the wrong I've done to her in my entire life. And to make me more accountable for my actions I asked her to forgive me in front of about 100 people. As I was asking my mother for forgiveness I cried, I have hurt her beyond words could possibly ever express and for that I am truly thankful for a mother who has never given up in her child, me. Since Mothers day of 2009 I am a forever changed woman.

In the past three months I have had to say bye to my awesome friends, watch some of them move home, get out of the military and some even help us pack our belongings for this deployment. Also, while being back in Arizona I learned that people change either for the better or for worse.. Most of the people that used to admire just aren't a part of my life anymore, and I'm totally okay with that now. Old friends die and new friends come.

With my husband gone, I have become better at a lot of things. I've become more independent on myself and doing things on my own. I'm not saying I don't need my husband, but just sometimes we need to go through a season to learn about yourself and watch yourself grow. And I've done that. I've changed a lot, a lot of my perspectives and desires. I have learned a newer meaning of love and marriage.

So, thanks deployment.. You've made my time well spent. As much as I hate you, thank you. I have an awesome family an absolutely amazing husband that I wouldn't trade for the world. I've learned things that take some married couples years to figure out. I've built more solid realtionships with my family that I've become more happy with life. I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. I've learned how to deal with the stressors that make people go crazy :-)

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