Can Christians loose salvation?

Can me, as a Christian Lose’ Salvation?

I personally don't believe if you're a truly saved Christ follower, that all the sudden just lose your salvation. The only way I believe salvation is lost, is by our own admission.  If someone who 'claimed' to be Christian, then rejected God and chooses to walk away wanting nothing to do with Him anymore, in my eyes they've made the choice to renounce the very God who saved them. The Bible gives no evidence that the "new birth" can be taken away. For a believer to become unsaved, they would have to willingly detach themselves from the Body of Christ.

Those who faithfully serve Christ, but make small mistakes, your human just like everyone. The time to worry is when that sin becomes repetition. Christ did die for all our sins and forgiveness is available for all, but we need to learn from our mistakes and strive to move forward. The bible talks in Revelation and John about being "Overcomers". We must uphold our lives to whom WE'VE dedicated it too. The Christian life is a race to the very end (Hebrews 12:1), we can't cop out as soon as we get winded or decide to take a break near the home stretch.

There is this common myth going around the minds of Christians that every single time you sin, you can lose your salvation. Also the worse you sin, your just an even more evil, terrible person and why would the Lord love you enough to accept you as His own. This is a lie and all those who believe it are extremely mistaken with God's forgiveness and mercy(Romans 5:8).  But lets get one thing straight, GOD HATES SIN, He can't stand it, but when Christ died for all sins, God gave us a chance to repent to experience his mercy. John 3:16 states who so ever believes in Him, will have eternal life.  Not who so ever believes in Him shall have eternal life, but I'll take it back when I want to.  If your saved and fully dedicated your eternally secure: "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand" (John 10:28-29b)


To all those who would fall under the term "backslidden Christian," the "I'm saved, but I’m really struggling right now." I would seriously have to wonder if they got truly saved in the first place. If your life doesn't reflect somewhat of a change and if your still living in the same sin that you supposedly got saved out of, you need to start rethinking you life and ask God where do you stand. Anyone can claim Christ as Savior, but those who are truly saved will bear visible fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).

Now there will be periods in a Christian's life where there is no visible fruit. What happens during these times of disobedience is that God removes from us the assurance of our salvation. He doesn't remove our salvation, but the assurance of it. David prayed in Psalm 51 to restore to him the "joy of salvation" (Psalm 51:12). We lose the joy of our salvation when we live in sin. That is why we must examine ourselves and get our lives right with Christ.

We cant look at Salvation as a "get out of hell free card" or accept Christ and refuse to do anything with it.  To me this falls under the lines of quenching or blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:30).

So if you're a true full hearted Christ follower, this question shouldn't even matter to you. Why? Because God has placed inside of you the sure fact you will see heaven one day.  But if your semi sure your saved but your life is so mixed up in sex, drugs, drinking, cursing and so forth to the point no one would see Christ in you, there is a good chance you may have not been saved to start with.  Being saved you life should start to reflect the life of Christ.  Giving up the old and transforming into a "New Creation" in Christ.

This is my opinion, feel free to disagree.  Dig in your bible, get into the 'WORD' and draw your own conclusions.  

MY BABY is 1!

I haven’t posted any new blogs in a few months, but I do have so much to write about.  Today, we officially have a 1 year old.  My little girl Zyana-Lee Grace Gonzalez was born at 10:02 AM weighing 7 pounds 3.2 ounces, 19 inches of pure perfection. Derek and I have been so unbelievably blessed, God has been so good to us.  In the past year I have learned to be patient, understanding, loving, and compassionate about all things that involve my family.  Becoming a mother has been one of the best investments we’ve made.  All the sleepless nights, upset tummy aches, colds, coughs, teething, diapy rashes, and midnight crying has made everything so awesome to be a mom.  And Derek, Derek is as just amazing.  He has been such a good dad, watching him with our daughter just amazes me.  God gave me a good husband and he gave Zyana an amazing dad.  We are beginning to look forward and hopefully very soon add to our family.  In the meantime, we are going to soak up her love, enjoy the kisses, laughs, giggles and cuddles she has to offer.

This year has been awesome.  We are closing on our third quarter of the year and its nice to finally see the weather changing and getting cooler.  This month, Derek transferred to University of Phoenix to complete his bachelors program, and this month I’ve begun a new endeavor of starting graduate school at the Grand Canyon University.  I’m kind of scared and excited at the same time for the both of us to be in school.  Definitely looking forward to tiresome nights of late night homework and coffee together.  Yesterday, Derek had his first night of class, he was home by 10:30, the baby was already asleep so he asked me to help him with his homework, I got  a smile on my face, so it begins.

Happy First Fathers day. A letter to Derek

Dear Derek,

I will never forget the moment I found out I was going to be a mommy. It was nerve wracking to say the least, and a dream come true to say the most. While completely unexpected, having Zyana-Lee was the single most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me.

I remember just feeling like something inside of me was different. I knew I was pregnant. My day ended at work and I rushed on the freeway to hurry home, my gut feeling told me something was different.  I couldn’t help myself so I pulled into Target, rushing I went and bought a pregnancy test really hoping that it showed pregnant; and petrified at the same time thinking this cannot be happening to me! I got home, did the test, anxiously waiting.  It was positive.  For sure I thought the test was broken.  As I shook the thing hoping it would take one line away, I remembered I had another test.  15 mins later I took the other test. At 5:20 PM and at 5:45 PM on January 17^th, 2012 it was confirmed, I was pregnant.

I was so scared.  I was home alone.  You were at the gym, I called you in a panic telling you, “you need to come home.”  You came home, Vanessa and you were both in the kitchen and I broke the news to you and Vanessa at the same time.  I can clearly remember the look on your face, your face said, “oh Crap.”  After about 5 minutes of bare silence from you, you said everything is going to be okay.

The next months were spent pouring over baby books and deciding on names.  I wanted Zachariah or Ezekiel you wanted Robert, a girl name clearly never occurred to us.   It was about that time when we were going to find out the sex of the baby.  We were expecting a boy, when the technician told us that she saw 3 little lines my heart just about broke.  We were having a girl.

The day that Zyana-Lee was born you transformed into the most amazing father. You were there right from the start. I saw tears in your eyes as you held your daughter for the first time. And you were eager to learn the basics, even changing the first diaper. Not only were you there for her, but you were there for me. For everything I needed, you stood by me and helped me through it all.

I remember clearly our exhausted nights, crying as I pumped and nursed at 3 am. You took Zyana- Lee and fed her bottles, changed her diapers, and encouraged me to continue what I was doing. Your encouragement for everything I do is amazing. You are my rock when I feel like falling apart.

We are raising a beautiful gorgeous 9 month old baby.  I could not be happier sharing this parenting journey with you. When I have needed you, you are there. When you need me, I am there for you.  So far we’ve fought diaper rashes, high fevers, endless tiresome nights, and a whiny teething baby. We continue to do so and you continue to amaze me. Seeing the way you and Zyana-Lee laugh and play together is so beautiful. It brings tears to my eyes to see how much our daughter loves you. Her little eyes light up second you walk through the door

You are a true blessing to our family. You work so hard to provide for us and only ask for love in return. You teach us gratitude every day. You mean the world to us. And we love you to the ends of the universe and back. Parenting with you is a true joy. We are such a good team, Derek.

WE love you,

Bernadette & Zyana

Happy first Fathers Day 2012

Love Story Part 3

We are now back in California. Living separately.. Our plan was to get an apartment together and we began looking. So we get an apartment, we move in together. It was so strange. I have never lived with a male, let alone my dad. The toilet seat was left us, combat boots by the front door and camis laying everywhere, but I loved it. We were married and that's what mattered. I was wrong and still my parents had NO idea we were married, let alone living together. Christmas time was here. Derek was on leave and I took vacation so we could visit Arizona. And we did, yet again everyone questioned my now 2 rings. Again I was still denying the fact that was married. Christmas is now over and my parents were planning to visit. They had NO idea that Derek and I were EVEN LIVING TOGETHER! I felt like I was living a lie, and I was.   Now onto the part of telling my parents. My parents arrived to California bringing me all my furniture from home. I knew it was time to reveal to my parents that we were in fact already married. My heart was torn I knew that I was going to break their hearts. They finally arrived in the evening time. We had dinner and we were all conversing.. My dad bluntly asked us, "Are you married?" my head immediately fell down cast, he somehow already knew. And when my dad asked this, Derek smiled and said, "Do want the truth or a lie?" of course my dad wants the truth! And Derek proceeding to tell him that we were in fact married. My mom soon began to cry and my dad said OK, he didn't look mad but I knew his heart hurt. The remaining weekend they were there seemed very odd, my mother was distant was crying at random moments throughout the day. My dad was okay. It was a weird feeling. I felt like I betrayed them and their trust. I was lying this whole time to them. After the weekend they departed back to Arizona and Derek and I were on Pre-Deployment mode. He was leaving me en route for his first deployment. I was sad and depressed at the same time, we were newlyweds and he was leaving me three months after getting married.   It was now D-Day time. It was a sad day, I didn't think that I had anymore tears to cry, my eyes hurt, my head pounded and most of all I was heartbroken. My husband was leaving me. Then, he was gone. My whole heart left, just like that. What was I supposed to do? I was so consumed in my husband that I forgot and lost my first love Jesus Christ. This whole time I was leaning on my husband when I should have been depending on Christ. It was a lessened learned.   I soon got my act in order and got back to that place I needed to be in God. It was reassuring. I knew that God placed Derek in my life for that purpose, to be my husband. In spite of everything that we did wrong along the way, we fixed it. I believe that we went through everything we did to get to where we are today. Marrying a ungodly man who you "think you can change" doesn't work all the time. I put my whole faith in Christ and he made a way and SAVED MY HUSBAND from the INSIDE OUT!   Our marriage is such a tremendous and wonderful gift from God! It has blessed my life in ways that I could never explain. I believe it has been so wonderful because I was already completely and utterly satisfied in my relationship with the Lord, and thus my relationship with Derek and our marriage has become about the glory of God, not about each other. Instead of finding fulfillment in Derek I found in him an incredible gift from God that daily turns my attentions back toward Jesus. I love that our God is a jealous God. He longs so much for our affections that He won’t give us anything that will threaten His place in our hearts. The more we desire a guy, the more reason it gives Him not to give it to us, because we are tempted to be more satisfied with the guy than with Him.   I am doing LIFE with this man. This is the man that God created especially FOR ME. And I am so grateful that he is just that. In spite of his flaws I love him, I am so in love with him. We argue, we have heated conversations (fights) but we love each other. :D   If you are discouraged today because God has not brought "the one" yet, may I challenge you to stop waiting on the Lord to bring you a guy and realize that you are already a bride! You are the Bride of Christ! The title "bride" implies there is a wedding to come. Without the wedding, there would be no bride. Don’t let your heart be distracted by from Jesus, your groom. It is easy to let lesser lovers take His place, so be ready to always cast them away and pursue Jesus. We have an incredible wedding feast to look forward to: the day we are united with Christ. He is our first love and he is waiting to hear from you day in and day out. His thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand and He has numbered all the hairs on your head! The Lord will be faithful to give you the great love story that you desire, just know that it won’t be found in a man, but in Jesus! Trust in the promises of God, for He who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23).

Love story part 2

Derek and I met in 2004. 

We both had our very first jobs there. I was a team leader and he was just a regular employee. I started to become friends with this guy and he was quite annoying. He did this thing with his hair and he would throw it to the side, like Prince Charming from the Shrek movie. Yes, he did that and he would also go around saying, "I look good."and "woo" I could not stand him.

 Any time I saw my schedule and saw that we were working together I would always make the attempt to get switched to a different position. I did not like him at all and never saw this dude as husband material. I think it was because we were young and both innocent. In 2004 I graduated high school and it was time for me to start looking for another job. According to my father working for Harkins theater past high school was a "kiddie job." My dad forced me to find another one. So in March of 2005 I resigned from Harkins and pursued a new position with Bank of America. I soon forgot about working for Harkins, but I did not forget about my friends. Derek was still working at Harkins and in December of 2005 Derek joined the United States Navy and I was still at Bank of America. 

I soon began dating a guy we'll call Jake. Jake and I dated on and off for two years; it was never really solid with us. But it was cool. At this time we are now in 2007and MySpace was HUGE! One day on MySpace I was searching for friends and I happen to come across Derek's MySpace profile. I figured, "what the heck let me add this guy." We soon became MySpace friends and we really hit it off. We talked daily, I had ended it with Jake and Derek just ended a year long engagement with his ex-fiance. Yes he was previously engaged, no we were not dating; we just became really good friends. We grew up, it wasn't like the old days of him annoying me, he he. My 21st birthday was coming up and Derek was stationed in San Diego at the time he had invited to me to come out for my 21st birthday weekend, and I did. It was the first time that I was going to be seeing him in three years,I wasn't sure what to expect. I'm not going to lie, I saw pictures of Derek.. he definitely wasn't a teenager anymore, he was a man, a man in uniform at that.. it was SEXY. 

As much as I hate to admit this I began loosing my focus and trust in God, but as the story continues God STILL had his way even while we were disobedient.So it was the weekend of my birthday, November 3rd, 2007. 

 I arrive at San Diego Airport around 8 PM. My first thought was, "what the heck am I doing here?". He calls, he's waiting. Alright, got my luggage. And I see him. Wow. He looked way more sexy in person. His smile, that smile melted my heart and still does even when he looks at me that certain way. I get in the car and we are on our way. It didn't even seem like we didn't see each other for years. It felt completely normal.. almost like we picked up where we last left off. That weekend set it off. I instantly fell for him. It was amazing. Leaving him and heading back home sucked, I wasn't sure how long it was going to be before I'd see him again. Luckily, he was only 4 hours away so he'd drive down and I'd fly there. It was any chance we got, we HAD to see each other. It was official, we were dating. 

Here's where things got off track. Derek and I were dating. I was now "trying" to be a Christian and Derek was unsaved... in the worlds terms, he didn't serve God. Fast forwarding to 2008. I am still in Phoenix at this time, I finished with community college and I was still at the bank and Derek was still in the Navy.. Soon it was time for him to choose a base. I believe in his heart he wanted to be in Hawaii or Spain. I wanted him here. I was not ready for us to have that long of a long distant relationship, because it was already hard. Well his choice was to switch from "blue" to "green" meaning he was going to be stationed with Marines. He choose Camp Pendleton, California and soon after he began training, "field med" training to be exact. At the time I didn't realize what the training was going to be used for but now it makes sense to me. He was going to war, we didn't know when or where but at the time it didn't matter. He graduated Field medical training in May of 2008. And I had made my mind up that I was moving to California, really not putting much thought into it, I wanted to be with him. It just didn't matter to me. 

Now we are in September 2008, September 9th 2008 to be exact was the day I picked up and moved my whole life to San Clemente/Capistrano Beach CA. I was so scared. At this time my parents only met Derek once, they heard about him and knew I liked him but they had no idea our intentions. I moved in with a relative, and transferred jobs for Bank of America out to California and I was registered for school. I was set. Things were good. It was so awesome seeing him everyday. Everyday we were together. Things began getting serious. This whole time I was in heaven being with him that I overlooked one thing. Derek was preparing to leave me. I really didn't know what I got myself into.. and this whole time I was questioning myself, "did I make a mistake moving here?

This point in my life I was lost. I did not know what I was doing and I felt like I didn't know who I was. I lost complete control in trusting God, I am guilty of being completely disobedient to what God had for my life. One day Derek and I went to a local mall, and he bought me a wedding ring set. We were going to get married. We briefly talked about it. We were going to get married.

We are now in November, It was going to be Thanksgiving. Me and Derek were going to Arizona to visit. It was a Wednesday night, I believe the 26th we were on our way. I had such a hard day, it was pouring rain and I really didn't feel like driving. After work I was meeting Derek, we were taking two cars. I ran out of gas on base and everything was closed. Derek came and got me. Got gas, and I ended up falling down in a huge puddle of muddy water. I was a hot mess. I did not want to drive to Arizona that night, I wanted to rest. While crying, Derek was filling up the gas on the side of the mountain on base, we were stranded. As I sit in the car crying cause I am soaking wet Derek opens the door. He gets down on one knee, in the pouring rain, on the side of the road inclined on a mountain and asks me to be his wife. I had to ask myself, Lord, is this from you? Please let me know if this is from you.” And following that prayer was the most tremendous feeling of peace and reassurance that I have experienced only from God. It’s as if God said audibly to me, “I want you to do life with this man.” My day was made. and off we went to Arizona.

The next day was Thanksgiving. We spent the holiday separated, he was with his family I was with mine. I was wearing my engagement ring and everyone in my family questioned me. I have to admit this, I lied and told them that it was nothing. The next day is Friday November 28th, 2008. A spare the moment choice, Derek and I ran off and got married. Not any of our family was present. But we loved each other and at the time that is all that mattered. We kept silence and only told his dad. I was so scared to tell my parents I wanted to keep in to ourselves forever. I was devastated that my family wasn't there (even though it was my choice.)

 

Love story part 1

Today I've been thinking a lot about my husband. about the fact that I am in complete awe of how God makes a way for things. Even in spite of when we see something, God turns the whole situation around. Lately my husband and I have been crazy busy and it seems as though time is still moving fast forward. I looked at our calender and this month is full of things that involve our part in the ministry. Derek and I are doing the entire sermon at church the last Sunday of June, myself and another Pastor are tag teaming the story of Deborah for the women's meeting this month and Derek is hosting the monthly men's meeting at our home, also the last Sunday of June. Meaning this month Derek and I are going to be spending a lot of time studying the Word of God together... which actually makes me happy because Derek is so intellectual when it comes to the Bible that he is so in-depth I feel like he is on a completely different learning level with the Bible.. which is fine by me. I'm so amazed to see God working, molding and doing a complete new thing in my husbands life. Even though the complaining sometimes comes a goes about how busy he is I know that God has got EVERYTHING IN CONTROL. Aside from everything I am beyond thankful for the Man of God that my husband is and continues to be. I find myself falling more and more in love with this man. Today I found myself dwelling on the past and how we met.

  So here goes our "love story:"

  It seems as though most Christian girls are "I was and am waiting for God to bring me my husband, my perfect man" (Of course he wouldn't be perfect, but just about perfect, well at least perfect for you.) A few perspective guys came in and out of my life throughout high school and college and I almost thought for a moment that one of the guys I was dating was "thee one" boy I was wrong. I considered guys and contemplated if this was the only thing that I was seriously waiting for. I liked this guy, I spent time analyzing whether or not that he could be the one, had lots of dates, phone calls and good times but at some point in the relationship I had with this guy I realized that he could not be the one I was waiting for and then I ended the relationship. The cycle of being in a relationship with him was dissatisfying and disappointing.   Finally, in 2006, God had revealed to the error to my prayer of waiting on HIM to bring me my husband. (Oh, God, he is surely a funny one)

 "I'm waiting on God to bring me my husband."   

Is there anything wrong with this statement? It might not seem like it. It is good and right to wait on God’s timing concerning marriage and dating instead of trying to do things in our own way. But if that is the ONLY THING that we are waiting on, we have an incorrect perspective.   Think about it... What are you more excited about: Jesus Christ or your future husband? God has and will never be designed to simply be the means for us to receive things. God wants us to BE OUR EVERYTHING. I finally became content knowing that whenever God was ready I was ready but in the meantime I wanted to soak up God like NEVER before. I was still living at home, still going to Jr college and had a good steady job.. at this point in time dating wasn't even in my vocabulary.  

In Hosea 2:16, God speaks to His people saying, "And it shall be, in that day, says the Lord, "That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ And no longer call Me ‘My Master.’" One of the most common reasons that we, as Christian women, long for marriage and relationships more than God is because we don’t know how to fall in love with God.

 We were created to be in a passionate, consuming, and loving relationship; this is why our hearts long for it. So when we do not experience this fulfilling relationship in God, we naturally look for it in other things: usually in a relationship here on earth. This is a terrible situation, because our GREATEST commandment is to "love the Lord you God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength" (Mark 12:29-30)! Not simply to put God first in your daily activities, but LOVE HIM PASSIONATELY! What does it mean to love someone with all your heart? To love someone with all your mental capacity? To love someone with your whole being? With all the strength that you have within you? That is a passionate love!

Unfortunately, I have found that the majority of girls I talk to have never experienced this kind of love for God. They know how to please God, how to do the things that He wants them to do, how to look like they are passionate about Him, but their hearts are set on something they perceive to be more passionate. We need to repent and surrender this idol we have made.   So what do we as women do with how our heart is?


We must repent: turn from that which has become our heart’s desire and return to the loving arms of our savior. The process is two-fold: surrendering what has taken God’s place and then returning to and falling in love with the person of God:our first love. Christ was my first love, even though I am guilty of having forgotten Him. My mind got so wrapped in the idea of being married and starting a family that I truly lost focus of what God had planned for my life .My struggle to allow God to be in control of this area of my life was not easy. The thought of surrendering this to God seemed impossible. I was scared of not being in control. Because our hearts are so fragile, it is hard to let someone else have complete control. Although we know the Lord knows us inside and out
(Psalm 139:1-6, 13-16), He’s always been faithful (Psalm 89:8, 2 Tim 2:13), and He works everything out for our good (Romans 8:28), it is still hard to completely give up control. But just because it’s hard or scary, doesn't mean we shouldn't do it anyway.
Boy I wanted to be in control of every situation that involved my future husband. I was so concerned and mind wrapped on ever characteristic.  I laid everything out to Christ, down to what he would look like. How we would meet, maybe we could be friends first then see how it goes then maybe get married, go to school together, how he would propose, how long we would be engaged, you know things that women think about. Yes, I had thought through it that much.

The final thing I longed to pray was, "LORD, if you don’t even want me to have a husband, then that’s OK. And if you do, then you decide who, bring him about whenever you want and however you want to. I don’t care any more. All I want is you." That statement, "I don’t care anymore" was a hard thing to finally be able to say truthfully, because, honestly, I did care a whole lot. I looked forward to meeting my husband, dating him, and marrying him a lot more than I looked forward to growing closer to and falling more in love with Jesus. However, being able to say, "I don’t care anymore" was the beginning of my freedom.

I finally allowed God to be in control, and it was so rewarding. The relief of letting go and letting God have his way in my life was a beautiful new chapter in my life.

6 Months and taking over the world one heart at a time.

Taking over the world one heart at a time for every single person she comes through her life.. Getting only more charming as each day passes, stealing the hearts of all who cross her path, she has the smile of her father.. it melts hearts. There has been so much change within the last few months with my darling little daughter. She's now sitting up, she sits in her high chair, bounces in her bouncer, pushes BACK in her walker and loves to play alone with all her toys in her own room. Sure do have mixed feelings about how much shes changing. Officially now she is in STAGE 2 of baby Gerber food... stage 2- SITTER. :) And she’s fetchingly chubbed out at 17 pounds. Story-time has taken over as her favourite activity, next to music-time. Loving the sound of her own voice, she can frequently be heard throughout the walls of our home babbling in a sing-song voice at the top of her lungs. And may I add... she is self-weaning the devil (The PACIFIER) lol

Her newest little adventure: taking her socks off. Well, actually she's been doing it quite some time now but its consistent even more.. she HATES socks on.. and personally I cannot STAND to see babies without socks on.. and now my daughter LOVES to be without socks. HA. just my luck. But my baby girl is progressing good. Here are are new stats as of today... She had her 6 month doctors appointment.

03/29/2012

Weight: 16 Pounds 12 Ounces

Height: 25 1/2 inches.

Head Circumference is: 43.5 centimeters.

A love letter to my babys swing... True Story

A love note to my baby girls swing.

Dearest, Fisher-Price My Little Snug-a-Bunny Swing, (LONG DANG name!)
I just wanted to say thank you and that I love you dearly. You have been so good to our family these last  six months that I wanted to let you know that you are important piece to our families life :).  I know some people would think that this is weird writing to you but this little letter is to prove to you our little token of appreciation.  I know it might seem a little fast being that we have only really known you for 6 months but, we really cannot imagine our life without you.My life is better because of you. The soothing way about you and your soft “voice” that hums sweet, little lullabies to my baby makes my heart pitter patter. You’re so considerate – always offering to take the baby so I can get a break and maybe make myself a sandwich – you know the way to my heart.  I know you’re not the best looking piece of furniture in my house but as of right now... I don’t care about looks. It’s what’s inside that counts – and inside of you lies a magical baby whisperer that more than makes up for the chunk of real estate you take up in my master bedroom (you do have a 25 lb. weight limit after all), but I just want to take advantage of every beautiful moment of this wonderful thing we have going while I can.



I’m so glad you’re in my life baby swing.
Signed,
Bernadette

Newborn, Three-months, six-months....

For everyone who ever offered a class or written a book, article or website about breastfeeding should be drop kicked and punched in the face. No one can fully understand breastfeeding fully until the actually commit to it. To many, people think its simple to just "put baby/latch on boob"... to be honest there is much more that goes into the whole breastfeeding thing.


Now that I’ve been breastfeeding for six months, I can see that there are many different stages to breastfeeding. And I’m sure there are many more to come in the months that follow!

Here is what I’ve experienced so far…
 
Having a newborn baby:

I remember when I first started this nursing venture when my daughter was immediately born.. and man she knew exactly what to do. I never had any problem with her feeding but for a beginner that business HURT like a mo fo. It starts out extremely painful and uncomfortable, engorged boobs, cracked nipples, and milk is spraying everywhere. For new moms like me, you get confused and you have no idea if the baby is getting enough milk or how long you should feed them at a time. Your body is slowing trying to get back into the change of returning to normal, your hormones are out of control and you become emotional when you stare into your new child's eyes. And at that moment being able to provide the nutrition your child needs gives you so much satisfaction as a mother. When I was on maternity leave all I did was pick my nursing spot, my bed; and I had my water, cell phone, remotes and lights off and enjoyed my whole day doing nothing except bonding with my little milk monster.



Having a Three-Month-Old:

When having a three-month old you kinda sorta get the hang of nursing on demand, night time, at dinner and even in church... for me anyway. At this point you got more of a schedule down and now were doing anywhere between 15-20 Min's on each boob. I think we got this whole breastfeeding down.. did me and little girl master this? I think not... but I do love is when she occasionally looks at me with the most biggest smile on her face... she knows how to melt my heart like no other.



Having a Six-Month-Old:

Wow, its now turning into a bit of a challenge. With teeth coming in, her grinding is becoming a nightmare!. I think she thinks I am now supposed to be used as a teething _ _ _ _ ? something? haha. She has obviously become way more mobile meaning I have to watch for her pinching, scratching and her moving her legs.  Right now she has a thing with pulling my ears especially my NOSE! By moving legs I mean she now does this thing where she has to grab her foot and shake her leg. It is quite funny to watch. Also I may add that any noise will cause her to have to see what happen which results in her often yanking me with her.. not cool at all. Now days we have to have all TV's off and more in a darker setting for her to keep her mind on eating. oh and if she hears her dads voice she looks for him, waiting for him to come up so she can smile at him.



This is all I got for now. I like to make people smile and giggle... because I know I am not the only one who experiences these things while breastfeeding. :) My next post will be in another 3 months! :)

My Love, Hate relationship with Breastfeeding & Pumping

I'm beginning to get quite irritated with all these pumps, bottles, nipples, bottle caps, pump bottles and all those other accessories that are needed to feed and supply for my daughter. I get annoyed defrosting milk, storing milk, pumping milk.. figuring out if milk went good or bad... that's all too much for me, especially when I work full time, as does Derek AND he goes to school full time. I took an extra day up at church, now going Weds to be apart of the prayer team.. WHILE doing things throughout the week AFTER work gets a little exhausting.. I kid you not. Sometimes I wish I could be a stay at home wife/mom... but the other part of me thanks GOD that I have the ability to work and provide and pull my own weight.



When it comes to pumping I literally feel like a cow being milked when I sit down, but I know it is something that I have to do.. frequently. I take my pump with me EVERY PLACE I GO!. it gets tiring sometimes, but it is something that I have to do, for this girl right here. (Hence the shirt, which I LOVE).

Zyana-Lee is growing everyday, and by growing I mean mentally and physically. And it SCARES me. Today marks my almost-to-five-months-for-breastfeeding. ALMOST SILVER BOOBIES... For those of you who want to know what I mean by 'Silver boobs' find out HERE And I must say that I am so excited that I have made it thus far. The first few weeks of Zyanas life made my womanhood a nightmare. I had no problems latching.. just producing. Almost to the point of me just giving up and giving into the EVIL. Formula. It was heartbreaking, to say the least to think that I'd have to give up and find other means of feeding her.

Pride is something that I feel like I can allow, considering that every day is an awesome milestone in breastfeeding. Recently my breastfeeding relationship has become very.... love-hate. One minute I love it and the next minute I am pissed off about something having to do with it.  Like.... time, and leaking boobies. LOL Am I going to stop? or give up? Nope, but man some days it just feels nice to vent a little about it... right?





HATE: Leaking

Some days.. I leak. Mostly in my sleep. Those stupid breast pads don't work for nothing. Mostly, I just hate them.

HATE: Pumping

I really hate pumping, its so freaking time consuming. Throughout my day I pump. Just at work I pump 4 times, sometimes at home I pump about the same. I mostly hate it because I have to lug this big ol black leather over the shoulder bag.. When people ask me what it is, my response is, "its a laptop bag"... Not to mention it totally makes me feel like a cow. Literally. :)



LOVE: Bonding



There is absolutely nothing more precious to look down and see my little girl get chunky. :) I'd have to say that nursing is one of the best feelings in the world.




LOVE: Stored milk.

The inventor who made storage bags for milk should be given a nice hefty check! The fact that I can pump and freeze it for a later date is just amazing to me. Or when I'm not with Zyana, Derek can feed her with that stored milk. Recently, we began mixing cereal with it. and she HATES IT that way. :)



LOVE: Weight Loss
For me, thankfully I was all belly.  Although still a little squishy my face SURE has shrunk.  Other areas are still in progress :)

I know this isn't true for all breastfeeding moms, but man...Breastfeeding for me has been one of the most easiest ways for me to loose weight. without doing anything! It's been 4 months since Zyana has been born and I've lost close to 40 pounds. :)



LOVE: I MADE ALL THAT CHUB!
My daughter has rolls, rolls, and more rolls.  I just don't see why there are skinny babies, FEED THE BABY! (I know there are some health problems that prevent babies from gaining weight. ) ~ :) lol.  It is OKAY for a baby to be fat and chunky!.

Here's Zyana-Lee.  Hence the leg ROLLS. :)  Don't mind the scary face. LOL

Knowing that I AM the reason that my daughter is healthy motivates me to continue to breastfeed. Those adorable little rolls and baby cellulite was made by me! I MADE THOSE ROLLS! My breast milk made those adorable little roles of cuteness. BEST FEELING EVER!
 

This is Motherhood

Zyana is one month old.

This is Motherhood.. It is life in fast forward.  The moment you give birth life suddenly feels like it moves so fast that you can barely breathe, take a moment to relax and soak it all in.  Zyana has grown so much within these last 120 days that it makes me somewhat a little; on the side sad knowing how fast time is actually flying by.  Knowing each milestone that we pass is a milestone that has come and gone, awaiting for the next move, giggle, cry, poopy diapy, shots, roll overs she'll have.

I just want to wrap her up in my arms, inhale her sweetness, kiss her, love on her and pause time.  I just want to drown myself in her love, forever.

I've added some photos of her.. mostly of her sleeping and smiling.  I kinda think I am a little overly obsessed with taking pictures of her when she sleeps. :)  But I cannot help it.  she is beautiful and I want to share her beauty with the world.

100 Things about ME

I have been sitting at work thinking of what I could write in my blog and the only thing I could come up with is things about me (the obvious and the not-so-obvious) things people know/ don't know about me. I made a "100 things about me", last Feb.. you can see it HERE

So here is my 2012 list.  :)


1.  I'm 25 years old. And my birthday is 11/03 and I absolutely hate it when people tell me that I'm "Scorpio". I don't believe in astrology, never will.


2. I love Jesus Christ with ALL my heart.

3. I'm married to a wonderful white boy named Derek Ray, who is 24 years old. (The White boy part is the obvious. LOL)

4. We have a beautiful little baby girl named Zyana-Lee Grace Gonzalez, and her name means "Blessing from Heaven". We named her after Derek’s grandmother Ann Lee who was born into this crazy world on September 25, 2011.

5. I was a Navy girl friend for 1 year, then turned Navy wife for 2 years, now turned civilian wife. I prefer Navy wife over civilian wife any day.

6. My husband and I have served two back to back deployments, Afghanistan, and I learned throughout the times he was gone to be the best wife I could ever be.

7. I take pride in knowing that I am one of the very few women who could say that their spouse served this country, and I do stand a little taller. :).

8. I am a middle child of 3 girls. Yes, 3 girls. Oh my poor dad.

9. My sister’s names are Vanessa Sanchez who is 27 and Angelica Rodriguez who just proudly turned 21.

10. My parent’s names are Steve and Maria Anguis. And God granted to me the best parents ever. Steve, (to the world's standards is actually my "step-dad" but to ME. He is OUR DAD.) My biological dad resides in Greely, Colorado and his life consists of drinking alcohol throughout every single day of his life, and has a girlfriend named Cassie who he refuses to marry, because he is still secretly in love with my mom. (I know, I know kinda daytime novellas)

11. I have 2 amazingly, absolutely beautiful nieces. Mariah Adrielle who just turned 2 years old. And Naomi Adriana who is a few months shy of 1 years old.

12. Before they were born, I never had any desire for children. Ever. Then God changed my heart. Forever. Now I want like 4 more kids.. How in the heck does it go from wanting none to at least wanting 5. :)

13. And now....I absolutely LOVE being a mother. It has been such an amazing time and I know it'll only get better.

14. I EBF... for someone who doesn't know what that means, it means, I exclusively breastfeed. And I like it.

15. I just graduated from the University of Phoenix receiving my Bachelors degree in Business.

16. I have a few pet peeves.  They include dirty bathroom tubs, sticky dirty tile floors, dirty dishes left in the kitchen sink, slow drivers and people who bite their nails.

17. Even though I am a woman, I cannot STAND shopping, especially for myself.

18. I LOVE shoes and BOOTS. My favorite shoe brands are Nine West, Bakers Shoes, Guess and ALDO.

19. In May of 2011, Derek and I bought our first house, and that was one of the biggest accomplishments that we have made thus far.

20. I'm a little on the obsessive side when it comes to reading blogs.

21. I love earrings. I own probably 60 + earrings. It’s sad that I can only wear 1 pair a day. :/

22. My Favorite movies of all time include, but are in no particular order:

The STAR WARS collection.

Glitter.

Win a date with Tad Hamilton.

Joseph.

The Bodyguard.

Good Fellas.

Ben Hur.

23. My Favorite actor is Terrance Howard. And my favorite actress is Natalie Portman.

My secret celebrity crushes are:

Denzel Washington

Lil Wayne

50 Cent

Gerard Butler

Natalie Portman

Scarlett Johansen

Mila Kunis

24. My Favorite colors are green, brown, and black. I hate purple and pink, even though those are pretty much the only colors my daughter wears.

25. My favorite brand of makeup is Urban Decay. That’s it, that’s all I'll wear.

26. I LOVE Reno 911 and JERSEY SHORE!

27. My favorite brands of clothing are New York & Company, Guess, Old Navy, Abercrombie & Fitch

28. My favorite stores are New York & Company, Old Navy, Ross, Target and Dillards.

29. I enjoy Nascar.

30. I love long hair and pretty nails.

31. I have a thing for big lifted trucks and nice shiny rims.

32. I love painting, decorating, water coloring and scrapbooking.  Sadly, I don’t nearly do any of them as much as I’d like to.

33. My husband and I teach the Jr. Youth at our church. We definitely have a passion for younger kids and teaching them the love of Christ.

34. My favorite bands and singers of all time include Michael Jackson and The Bee Gees and Queen.

35. I’m a very organized person, and everything in my house is labeled from my shoe boxes to my important documents.

36. I like to push people to do better.  There is nothing more awesome than pushing the people you love towards greatness.

37. I have an awesome family,  by awesome I mean my parents, sisters, brother in laws, and nieces.  Everyone else, extended wise are a bunch of the most dysfunctional people I have ever known.  I thank God that me, my sisters or my mom don’t fight  or argue to the point of not talking. 

38. I have a thing for Bath and Body works.  Their candles are to DIE for.

39. Candles in general are one of the most things I buy.

40. I have a dog, named Molly.  She’s a Lhasa Apso and likes to piss everywhere she’s not supposed to.

41. I like luxurious things.  Like Cadillac’s and Land Rovers.

42. I love clean floors and sanitized kitchen counters.

43. My shoe size is 6.

44.  I started my blog in 2008 when my husband was on his first deployment.  Every day I would write in it and he would read it when he could to know how things were going on this side of the world.

45.  I have a crazy, just a little, tiny obsession with makeup. I LOVE makeup, more of a fan of eye shadows and eyeliners.

46.  I don't like flushing the toilet.  And it BOTHERS my husband. (Yes, I am WEIRD and OPEN LOL)

47.  I love to make people laugh.

48.  I'm a sucker for horror movies, even the bad ones that feature Paris Hilton (The Wax House).

49.  I love pizza and wings.  It's better than dropping 60+ on a nice dinner.  :)

50.  Sometimes I can be a bit over emotional.  Shut up, don't judge.

51.  My favorite book growing up was, "If you give a mouse a cookie"

52.  I’ll write any day over reading.  I don't get how I earned a bachelor’s degree; cause it involved A LOT of reading.

53.  I love my American Express card.  Yes, a weird fact but I LOVE points!

54. I'm actually kind of a neat freak. It just...comes and goes. Sometimes I clean all night, just so I can wake up to a squeaky clean house.

55.  Anything seafood or fish related GROSSES me out.

56.  If I could have any voice narrate my life it would be Anthony Hopkins or Liam Neeson.  I LOVE their voices!

57. The only drug I ever tried was a cigarette. One time. It was the most disgusting thing I ever tasted.

58. I sing like a maniac in my car. It makes me feel like a rock star, even when I can't hit all the notes.

59. I hate being a woman 1 week out of every month. Ha.

60. I have a serious shoe fetish with extremely high heels and extremely pointy toes. So hot. But no, I have not mastered walking gracefully in them.

61.  One of my guilty pleasures is Hot Cheetos with lemon or Butterfingers. mmmm.

62.  People who make me laugh fascinate me. Especially when it’s a sarcastic or caustic remark that does it.

63.  I LOVE potatoes.  Bad.  Like I gotta have something potato related every week!

64. I like gardening, but everything I have ever attempted to grow has died.

65.  I love Christmas ornaments.

66. When I was younger, maybe 8.  My sister Vanessa and I were playing in a park (apparently we weren't supposed to be at that park because these black girls got mad and told us to leave.  Of course, me being me.  I didn't leave) and I got JUMPED! by 10, yes 10 black girls. While my sister Vanessa took off her shoes and ran HOME!!! She left me!  It wasn't funny at the time, but now when we talk about it, it is hilarious!

67.  I love Coffee!  and coffee creamer.  Irish crème, French vanilla. mmm.

68.  I hate ANY type of Pie.  Pie is gross!

69.  When I was younger my dad let us watch Children of the Corn, Freddy Kruger and Hell Raiser.  Couldn't sleep for months.

70.  I love photography, though I’m not talented to take pictures. I will jump in and have my picture taken any day! :)

71. I almost died, once.  Due to asthma.  I developed bronchitis and pneumonia at once.  It was a sad day.

72.  If I had any super powers I'd like to be invisible and read people’s minds.

73. My favorite fruits are pomegranates and plums.  Occasionally green grapes.

74.  Me and my husband share the same middle name, Ray.  Crazy but cool.

75.  I hate country music. 

76.  Though I ****NEVER*** wanted to get married, my wedding date was November 28th, 2008.  And truthfully, my husband has been a good man..(other than my daddy!)

77.   When I write I hold my pencil/pen so tight I get cramps in my hand.

78.  I have a thing about spices/ herbs.. And I am addicted to garlic.

79.  I can't go a morning without coffee.

80.  I take 5 medications a night.  Including the good ole birth control pill.. it better not fail me, LOL

81. I love scarves, even though I HATE turtlenecks or anything around my neck for that matter.

82. I absolutely LOVE being an auntie.  I can give them soda, chips, cookies and teach them to say mean things and then give them back to my sister and brother-in-law.  My brother-in-law says he can't wait until Zyana gets older so he can do the same thing.  Can we say PAY BACK?

83. I enjoy Christmas.  Decorating and getting all into the Christmas spirit just makes me happy.  Now that we have babies in the family... Christmas is all about them.  and I LOVE that.

84. I'm not a big fan of winter, actually I HATE the cold. 

85.  I addicted to the game Family Fued.

86.  I don't like going to the movies, but I do enjoy nice dining. 

87. I Love the smells of gas, rain, and beer.. even though I don't drink it.  It just smells good.  Sometimes I wish I could take a bath in it. LOL.

88. I'm not good at taking compliments well. 

89. I don't have good hand writing.  I have to write in cursive to make it look decent.

90.  I like to text rather than speak on the phone.

91. The only kind of sunglasses I will wear is aviator ones.

92. I think my daughter, and my nieces are the most beautiful little girls I have ever met.  But I AM bias.

93. My answer to every question I have is google.  I always say, "lets just google it" haha.

94. I can, but then I can't wait to have another baby.

95. If anyone buys be a gift, I always tell them a watch.  I like Guess watches... just sayin :)

96.  My dream vacation to go anywhere in the world would be Egypt.

97.  The first word I learned to spell was: Transportation. 

98.  I love pillows.  I'll choose cuddling with a pillow over my husband any day.  Kinda sad huh? LOL

99.  I'm kinda cynical and sometimes complacent.

100.  My name is Bernadette and I’m a bit on the sarcastic side. And most times I speak too much, hurt people’s feelings, step out of my bounds.  But one thing I know is that I’m true to myself.  I’m judged for who I am, how I look, and what I believe.  But that’s okay to me, because one thing is for sure.  I will probably be the most honest/blunt/outspoken person you’ll ever come across..  I'm a wife, a daughter, a mother, a sister and an aunt. I'm honest and open.  I enjoy the simple things in life like having my family around chomping on pizza and wings watching Joe Dirt for the hundredth time, all sitting around laughing like its a new movie to us.  I cry, I laugh.  Life gets hard, marriage has its up's and downs.. But this is me.  :)

I can’t really think of anything else to add. But When I do I’ll update my list.