Happy First Fathers day. A letter to Derek

Dear Derek,

I will never forget the moment I found out I was going to be a mommy. It was nerve wracking to say the least, and a dream come true to say the most. While completely unexpected, having Zyana-Lee was the single most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me.

I remember just feeling like something inside of me was different. I knew I was pregnant. My day ended at work and I rushed on the freeway to hurry home, my gut feeling told me something was different.  I couldn’t help myself so I pulled into Target, rushing I went and bought a pregnancy test really hoping that it showed pregnant; and petrified at the same time thinking this cannot be happening to me! I got home, did the test, anxiously waiting.  It was positive.  For sure I thought the test was broken.  As I shook the thing hoping it would take one line away, I remembered I had another test.  15 mins later I took the other test. At 5:20 PM and at 5:45 PM on January 17^th, 2012 it was confirmed, I was pregnant.

I was so scared.  I was home alone.  You were at the gym, I called you in a panic telling you, “you need to come home.”  You came home, Vanessa and you were both in the kitchen and I broke the news to you and Vanessa at the same time.  I can clearly remember the look on your face, your face said, “oh Crap.”  After about 5 minutes of bare silence from you, you said everything is going to be okay.

The next months were spent pouring over baby books and deciding on names.  I wanted Zachariah or Ezekiel you wanted Robert, a girl name clearly never occurred to us.   It was about that time when we were going to find out the sex of the baby.  We were expecting a boy, when the technician told us that she saw 3 little lines my heart just about broke.  We were having a girl.

The day that Zyana-Lee was born you transformed into the most amazing father. You were there right from the start. I saw tears in your eyes as you held your daughter for the first time. And you were eager to learn the basics, even changing the first diaper. Not only were you there for her, but you were there for me. For everything I needed, you stood by me and helped me through it all.

I remember clearly our exhausted nights, crying as I pumped and nursed at 3 am. You took Zyana- Lee and fed her bottles, changed her diapers, and encouraged me to continue what I was doing. Your encouragement for everything I do is amazing. You are my rock when I feel like falling apart.

We are raising a beautiful gorgeous 9 month old baby.  I could not be happier sharing this parenting journey with you. When I have needed you, you are there. When you need me, I am there for you.  So far we’ve fought diaper rashes, high fevers, endless tiresome nights, and a whiny teething baby. We continue to do so and you continue to amaze me. Seeing the way you and Zyana-Lee laugh and play together is so beautiful. It brings tears to my eyes to see how much our daughter loves you. Her little eyes light up second you walk through the door

You are a true blessing to our family. You work so hard to provide for us and only ask for love in return. You teach us gratitude every day. You mean the world to us. And we love you to the ends of the universe and back. Parenting with you is a true joy. We are such a good team, Derek.

WE love you,

Bernadette & Zyana

Happy first Fathers Day 2012