Its been a long while!

I've been thinking about updating this blog for quite some time.. and boy things have definately changed since July. Since July, my awesome, most fantastic husband has returned home from overseas. He came back at the end of August. :) Another big milestone in 2009 was my older sister had the first baby of the family. We welcomed Mariah Adrielle Sanchez into our family on December 16th 2009. She is absolutely a gorgeous baby, I could stare at her all day long. Other than that. WE are doing well. School is good and Christmas was GREAT. God has beyond blessed us with a wonderful supportive family that is always pushing, supporting and encouraging us. Derek and I are standing on God's promises and speaking blessings for 2010. WE stand in agreement that we WILL own a house by the end of 2010.

I dont have much to update but as far as 2010 I am going to keep this updated for my family so they can stay in the loop with us.

Bernadette

I miss you so much it hurts

I know you come home very soon, but right now I feel so empty inside. I feel like a part of me is dying because your not here with me at this point of time. It sucks so bad to know that you come home next month, and me feeling like I'm loosing air when I don't speak to you. I miss you so much I hate this empty feeling

I love you more babe-o

Come home soon
Xoxox
The wife

oh, you wanna know when my husband comes home?

He comes home next month some time! Wooo! Yes its been a tough 6 months and finally its almost time to call this deployment over!! I can tell you of all the emotions that I've had, my crazy mood swings, my really bad pity fits, my times where I've just wanted to crawl in a hole and die! Well, I don't wanna bore ya. Right now I can't even sleep because I'm so anxious in knowing that my husband returns home. Its been so rough, but God is good, he's provided for the both of us and he made a way for me to make it this far. Through these past months I can look back and see how much I've grown so much and to be quite honest its been a massive amount. I came in with knowing nothing about the military and now I could try and give you ever definition my husband throws at me. I'm no longer a boot wife! :) well right now he's in a place that he necessarily doesn't wanna be in but he's so close to coming home he could really careless where he is. But ima try and get some shut eye. Until next time kids. Good night.
Berna

Love you husband!

Oh my husband

All the time. I mean all the time my husband makes me feel amazing. I swear, even on my worse days he knows exactly what to do to make me instantly feel better. I have been having some terrible cramps these past months and him, oh he just comes in and says the most stupidiest jokes. He cracks me up. And for that matter, he will do anything to make me smile. Either way, he is an amazing man that I love with alls my heart. He is so good to me.

Babe-o, this ones for you.

I love you more than you could possibly imagine. I am so blessed to have you in my life. Xoxoxoxox

The wife,
Berna

whoa whoa whoa

First off.. Ovulating sucks! And to those guys out there (including my husband) who thinks cramps are funny. Shame on you. Aunt flow is in full affect. :-) well things are looking up for the most part, I mean God is so good! He knows just how much I can handle, we can handle. That his hand is never too short, its always within His reach. I can't begin to thank God enough for ALL that he has done. I am so thankful that he knows our hearts, he knows out thoughts, and he know just what were going through. Thank you God, for you've been so faithful.

About 70% of this deployment=ACCOMPLISHED!!!!!!! Whoa. I cannot begin to explain my excitement and my joy right now. I can hardly contain it!!

Well I don't have much to say today. Except God is good and I love my husband beyond anything ever fathonable.

I love you babe-o
Xoxo

Your wife.

and so it is..

Well I'm already beginning to feel that lonliness that I felt at the beginning of this deployment and he hasn't even left to this last excersise yet well he will be leaving again soon. And this will be the lonest afloat and I'm so terribly sad, we are at 5 months headed on 6 months here. And it just kills me to know that I won't be able to talk to him or see his smile that just melts my heart. I love him so much that I don't know what I do without this husband of mine. I love you babe-o and I know that ill be able to see the end of this..

Berna
The wife
Xoxoxo

updates!

Well, my husband will be coming home very very soon! And I am so thrilled to have him home and be my husband :-). So excited and so overwhelmed with joy! My husband is my one and only and I cannot be more thankful to have him as my man. :-)
Things are making progress here in CAL and I think I'm finally starting to wing myself from my parents and everyone back home. Its been a drag me having to always go back and visit. No one really visits me so I think its good being on my own.
Well, short update. :-)
Bernadette

A Womans Worth

One Flaw In Women
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice..
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

I'm amazed

Well its the 19th and we are on to month 5 of this deployment. Never have I thought I would make it this far without having a nervoud breakdown or two. These past 4 months have been an emotional roller coaster. Everything that I thought wouldn't happen, did. And that's ok. Because everything is panning out perfect and I know if I have a positive attitude about everything, it will all be perfect. My husband comes home soon. But not soon enough. Currently he's preparing to head to Australia! Yes. That lucky man. Well I know he'd trade that to come home in a heartbeat. His birthday is next week. And I hope he has a good birthday, (yes, without me) :-).

Well I'm in Zona for the next 9 days. Angelica the baby sister graduates high school on thurs so I'm here for that. I can't believe it. My mom and dad have all hs grads and now working on college degrees.

Update on vanessa. (Vanessa is my older sister). Well she is 8 weeks and 4 days pregnant and 220 days to go. Her first trimester is coming to an end! And on to her 2nd one! I take her to the drs tomm! Oh my I an so anxious to see the ultrasound. So excited!

But nothing more to update, until tomm kiddos. Goodnight

I love you babe-o

The wife. Bern

its been forever and a day

So its been a while that I've updated this silly thing. Well everything is going absolutely fabulous! I have such an amazing husband. I'm quite delighted to have him in my life. It wouldn't be the same without him by my side, in my thoughts or in my prayers. He is my forever perfect man.

Well. Me and the husband finally started web caming it! And its quite awesome. Just seeing his smile makes my heart melt. I wish I could just touch his face and kiss him.I just touch the screen and wish he could feel my hands :-)

Well I don't have much time to update! I will update again verrrry soon!

blah

Its been a couple of days since I've updated! But the reason why is because I felt like I was repeating myself over and over. Lol so this should work for now. Happy cinco de mayo! Hahaha

Just kidding! I miss my husband!

That's all
Love you babe-o

The wife

Xoxoxox

missing my handsome gorgeous husband

The deployment for the most part seems like its getting easier and easier. I've officially started adjusting hearing from the hubsand every so often now. So its not too bad. I don't dramtically miss him like I used to. All crying. And crap like that. But I'm doing good. Of course, I still miss him more than ever but I'm doing good

I LOVE my husband more than words could possibly express

The words to it. since I know he doesnt understand. :-)


I went* walking through streets soaked in oblivion
I went through parks with ghosts and fallen angels
I went without light, I went without sun,
I went without a feeling, I went dying.
I went flying over the sea on broken wings.



Oh love, you appeared in my life and you cured my wounds
Oh love, you are my moon, you are my sun, you are my bread of every day.



You appeared with your light
No, never leave, oh, don't leave, no
You are the glory us both until death



In a world of illusion
I was hopeless
I was abandoned
I lived without feelings
But (then) you came


Oh love, you are my religion
You are light, you are my sun
Open your heart, open your heart
---------------------------------

So long ago, my heart*,
I lived in pain, in oblivion
Oh love, you are my blessing, my religion
You are my sun that cures the cold


You appeared with your light,
No, no, no, don't abandon me
No, never, my love
Glory of us both
You are sun, you are my all
You are blessing.


I will live forever by your side with your light
I will die by your side
You are glory and blessing


You are my blessing*
You are my religion


You are my eternity
And even my salvation


I had nothing
And today I have you with glory
With glory, with glory
My love (x5)



You are my blessing
You are my light, you are my sun.

horrible week

I haven't STILL heard from my frickin husband. Yeah I know he's mad and pissed off at me for biting his head off and being honest with him about a couple major issues.. But when in the hell is he going to get over it and gimme a frickin call? I have been so irratated with him that I guess its a good thing he hasn't called lately cause I woulda def let him have it worse than what I feel like today. I'm so bothered and bummed. That my whole week was great up until I hear from him yesterday. I wrote him a very mean letter on motomail earlier and when he gets it he is NOT going to be happy. I mean all my emotions are built into so many different ways right now that it just sucks thinking about what really I could say and how hurtful I could be.

But oh well, it is what it is at this point. He needs to carry on. Suck it up and be a frickin man

Mixed feelings can just ruin your day

Alright so today was going good.. and out of no where my sister Vanessa said she had to tell me something.. so first thing I thought was oh man something is wrong... well she told me to go away from everyone so I could be alone.. well she sent me a picture message. and the picture message was a picture of a pregnancy test that showed pregnant!!! My sister is pregnant! and I am so happy for her and my brother in law.. this is prefect.. they just bought a house that should be done sometime in July/August. and I really couldnt be any more happy. She is so excited but so scared at the same time. But I am happy!

I will posts updates when they come.. but there is a picture of exactly what their kitchen is going to look like. .;-)

well after an eventful day.. (NOT) my husband is randomly online, on myspace and just decided to leave me a comment, but didnt feel the need to log on aim or yahoo messenger without me having to tell him? what the heck.. sometimes he just dont get that I literally wait hours and hours and days and weeks to hear from him. he is very inconsiderate and he does NOT realize it.. so its whatever at this point.. if he wants to continue acting like a douche bag that whatever. I dont even want to talk to him if hes going to act that way. .

I dont have anything else to say right now.

Shocked

I must say that tonight was rather unxpected and totally not predicatable. But my gracious handsome husband snuck in a 45 min conversation today. :-) my husband is far from amazing. He's so wonderful as a man but so great as a husband too. It had been since April 6th since we've last spoke to it was really unexpected to hear his soft soothing voice and his little precious laugh that just melts my heart. He sounded like he was in the next room. Which was nice cause most of the time it seems like he is a million miles away and sometimes that makes me feel a bit uneasy and he knows I hate that feeling. But he is doing well. He's only showered once since he's been in the Phils. Ill tell you what I really don't think any other branches compare... Were tough ones. Even though my babeos booty needs to be cleaned I still love him and his stinky ol self. :-)
He told me it rained pretty much the entire time while he was there so I was happy he didn't take any of his electronics to the field. Even though I told him he should cause hed be bored out there. Lol
Well anyway his company got in trouble because one of the guys lost a rifle out there!!! How does someone loose his life life? Oh yeah by drinking while working!! That's how. So that douche bag got the whole company in trouble! Dumb guys I swear. Foolishness
I think its so precious that when I don't talk to my husband he goes on and on about how much he's hates the field and marines and I just sit an listen to him talk and talk. Literally he could talk for days about how some marines are just ignorant douche faces. Haha. But he had a lot to say last night, even though I wish I coulda talked more. Just a tad. I'm happy but husband let loose and chatted away. Hey its not always you get to have you husband talk and talk. Ya know? So I soaked it up. So tomm he should be calling me same time. Tomm he is going out in the city to do me some shopping. He said he bought me a shirt that says like filipina or something like that. Omg only my husband would get something that was mispelt. I love him. He's so good to me. He tries really super hard to make me notice and usually all the time I notice without him even trying to get me to notice. :-)
Ahhh my husband made my night. I'm happy we spoke.

I love you. Babe-o
Good night my love

Xoxox
The wife

Miss my husband

well

So. I'm officially headed with the family up to Flagstaff for a weekend trip of camping. I haven't heard from Derek in almost 2 weeks and I feel like I'm dying inside. I started listening to certain songs and I'm getting more and more depressed. I've been so sad about not hearing from him. I miss him so much.

I haven't updated the past couple days cause the last couple days have sorta just been a blur to me. I'm just going through the motions right now and trying to hurry up and get to the next day and pray my husband calls me. Gosh I feel like I'm dying without hearing my husbands voice. I've accepted a while ago that he's not here but just the fact of him not calling and him being busy hurts me so bad. I feel like I'm slowly... Gahhh. I don't know it just sucks so bad.

In other news... I have a special birthday present for my husband! I can't wait to tell him. He's gonna be shocked when I tell him what he can do and buy. I sent out his special package which I know he will def enjoy (wink wink babe-o) ;-).

In other news I talked to the family readiness officer ssgt Pogue. He updated me on the guys and their status' and all that good stuff I am officially back in the loop of getting informatio every week on my guym and the other guys. The emails that I get put a smile on my face. :-)

Well. I'm about to take a nap.

I miss you husband!
More and more

Love you,
The wife.

We bought MY wedding dress today!!!!

Oh my dear Lord!!! Talk about being overwhelmed! I found my wedding dress for my big day today!!! It was the first dress and thee last dress that I tried on.
Funny thing is, is when Vanessa got married we went to the same place I bought the dress that she did... Well when Vanessa bought her dress I told my mother.. "Mom that is going to be my wedding dress!" That was 2 and a half years ago!! So well I went to that bridal store and we found that same exact dress from two years ago! I knew it was the dress. Instantly. The first dress that I ever tried on I knew it was the one.. Golly I had so much fun trying on so many different dresses today. I felt like a princess and a little girl again! It was a great awesome day. My mother took photos of every single dress that I tried on and none sparkled like the one I bought. Amazing. I wanna send my husband a picture of the dress! But I just can't!! He is going to love the dress I know his jaw is going to drop to the floor when he sees me in it. Shocked. I cannot believe I found my dress! I've been shaking all day with joy because I found it! I am so anxious to tell my husband about it! He's going to finally be happy that I found one! I wish my husband would call me! We are going on two weeks from not hearing each others voice! And it kills me, but he will be shocked to know that I got another thing down for our wedding!

Well onto another subject...

I am leaving back to CA tomm. I have school, but I think I may head back later this week to Zona so I can go camping with my family. I really wanna go but I DO NOT want to miss Ds call! I know he will freak out like nobodies business when my phone goes straight to voicemail. So I'm not sure, I just wish, hope and pray that my husband calls me before Thurs so I can ask him...

I also want him to buy himself a laptop this month. My husband deserves a new laptop and I want one too! Haha. Hopefully he can call me so I can tell him we've got extra money to do that. I want a laptop too. So maybe we can both get a laptop. I really need one for school. So we will see what my husband says.

I miss my husband soooo much! I really need to hear my voice! His voice keeps me going! Gahhh!

Its about 1125 pm here on Monday night and I need to catch some shut eye so I can be well rested for my drive home.

I hope and pray for my husband. I miss you. Babe-o. More than you will ever ever know. It feels so weird not talking to you regularly. But I know that you think about me 24/7 I love you sweetheart!!!

Love you husband,
The wife

Miss you babe-o

Xoxoxox!!
Oh yeah we are officially at 100 days today!!!!!!!

Touched today

I never really realized and thought about how great God moves. I went with my parents church to visit another church.. the church is more of like an African church. Alot of like people from Africa attend that church.. but my heart was touched today. These little kids in their cute little outfits praising God in their own language. My heard was really moved with compassion today. I couldnt help but cry. all those little kids who performed songs in their language are orphans.. most of the kids parents died because of AIDS. I had so many mixed feelings today.. all great feelings. My heart was just touched. Seeing little kids, babies praising God just amazes me. God can move in ANY life, age, culture, or heritage. God is so good. I am so blessed by what God does in his young people. My heart really goes out to young people. I love to see the Lord move in such miraculous ways. I wish there was a way for me to help and reach out to touch lives.... i know eventually the door will open where I will be able to minister, but not anytime soon. I am still learning about God.. I am just trying to soak it all up now.. so much stuff in the Bible to learn its crazy....

well its 1141 pm on Sunday night and I'm up chatting with Alejandra.. Joses woman. She is such a sweetheart.. she is so adorable. :-) Shes made my night fly by fast. Its officially been 1 week since I've spoken to Derek. and it just sucks. My week has been so horribly that I just want to frickin sleep. I just wish the next 100 days or so would fly by or I just end up in a coma and wake up a week before D gets back. haha


well I am gonna crash out now.

I miss you husband

I love you babe-o

The wife.

xoxox

kinda sad today.

Well, that's it... My parents last daughter to ever see any high school dance. Its been a hard Saturday... My baby sister had her last official Prom. :-( she looked like a grown woman today. Shocked cause she is stunningly gorgeous. Breathtaking actually. Just beautiful. She had such a fun time getting ready today that we took about 5 hours on her hair! Girlfriend has cowlicks everywhere in her hair. Its all thick and nappy but all in all her hair looked awesome. Actually, believe it or not I did her hair AND her makeup today! For some reason my moms couldn't figure out how she wanted it and I knew how she did so I just went with it.. And her hair came out great. She wanted a huge poof on top and it on the side with large kinky curls and that's exactly what we did. We put a flower that matched her dress in her hair and it looked cool. For her makeup, well since her dress was purple with hints of grey I decided to do about 4 different colors on her eyes. Last night we went to Ulta and I got some new shades of eyeshadow for her and we didn't even use em. Well anyways. I decided to give her a more softer look and a smokey color on the edges. I decided to blend in and make some of my own colors rather than doing just a regular purple. At some angles I was able to get it to looks green, brown purple and pink. Her makeup rocked big time today! But her boyfriend Faustino looked pretty good, when he told me he has a pin stripe suit I was like nah! He messed it up! Haha but when he walked through the door they matched perfect! I loved the way the both looked together and they are so cute! They are good for each other. He had a mowhack which was rather interesting cause I think he's the only guy that could pull it off and look decent. Haha.. Alright alright I am rambling on and on about the two of them, but I am happy to see my sister happy! She looked smokin...


In other news.... Not too much to report today. Angelica and I introduced my father to what the "shocker" is... Oh you know you know!!! Hahaha he was soooo embarassed when we told him what it meant! Haha he called us retards, we were like "dad your the one who is always making that sign" hahahaha. It was pretty funny looking at his face. His jaw pretty much dropped to the floor! Hahaha it was pretty funny. He didn't even know what. "Wtf" meant. That was pretty funny too. Seeing his reaction. My dad is a character. He cracks me up. I love my daddy. Haha

I gave BOTH my parents a hard time today because, next week they are apparently going camping with the church. And I told them that I come down here pretty much every other weekend to see them and they can't even go to CA and visit me! I made them feel bad... Really. It sucks because I am always doing crap for my parents and they can't even take a frickin weekend trip to go see me. I hate that crap. Well, so apparently they say they are coming down to visit next month, but we'll see how that goes... I know how that it.. Ugh... Oh well, haha like how I was talking all good about my dad and then I said that? Haha I still love them. Especially my mother. Moms has been so sick with bronchitis this pas week that I've been taking so care of here that I even been getting up in the middle of the night to give her her medication she got. But she's improved good. She went out tonight with dad ... Which I'm happy about



So right now its about 1020 on saturday night... And I'm watching STAR WARS a new hope. Golly I love love love star wars!!! George Lucas has made some remarkable films. If only I could meet him, I'd shake his hand and thank him for making awesome movies of all time.. I was talking to Gina last night and she was telling me how Robibie her husband is obsessed with Star Wars! I told her he just got 10 times cooler in my book. Ha...

Well my parents just got home! And I am trying to finish this movie. I miss my husband so much!

Love you babe-o

Xoxox the wife
Miss you husband.

What a day

Today was pretty much a blur. Boring as usual, actually I did hang out with my sister, got a hair cut and did some practice runs on the sisters for makeup for Angelicas prom. Woke up, did homework, took care of moms some more and pretty much called it a day today. I felt good after getting my hair cut that I went home. Fixed myself up put on makeup ans stepped out. It was nice. I hadn't worn makeup for a while, thought for a moment that I was loosing my touch, pfft yeah right, ill always have my makeup hands. :-)

Right now its about 1039 pm on Friday night and I'm hanging out with my baby sister watching 10 things I hate about you. Good cool movie. I am so bored lately. Not talking to my husband just plain sucks. And he knows that too. I always wonder how much my husband thinks about me throughout the day, what he thinks about and how many times he talks about me or how many time he looks at our pictures.

I don't have much to say tonight, I feel like I'm repeating myself constantly in these posts. My life is so amazingly boring.

I love you husband more than you will ever know

Love you babe-o
The wife

Xoxoxox

When life throws you lemons, you paint that crap!

Missing my husband more and more gets harder and harder each day I dont hear his voice or his laugh. I've really been missing him this past week. I am currently in Zona visiting with the family and my mother and my father have been terribly sick.. and this whole time I am trying to run the Gonzalez house now plus the Anguis house.. only thing is.. I am here in Zona and I'm not taking care of things back home and I feel like I am going to loose my frickin mind. I took my mother today to the drs, she left work early so we decided it'd be best to get a drs not and such.. well according to her, her "simple" cough turned out to be bronichitis! my mother DOES NOT take care of herself when she gets that little tickle in her throat or that simple cough.. I am trying to pound it in her head that she needs to go to the drs and take vitamins and meds.. and my dad, thats a whole different story. My dad, well they cant figure out what the heck is wrong with him. But my father is a STRONG strong man. I know that he will get better. its just a matter of time and effort on his part. I have been so stressed out with trying to balance work and family out that ive become a bit overwhelmed with it all. I know I dont work and all but I am still very under much pressure.

It's been so hard not talking to my husband. I dont even know where the heck he is or if he is ok. he has money and phone cards I just dont know why he hasnt called me or emailed me. BUT I know that he is training and he is on deployment and him calling is hit or miss.. so I understand. So all I can do is ALWAYS have my phone charged, sleep with it. and always keep it on me. Ready to answer that sucker.. lol

I just finished up some homework, Its 11:09 here on Thurs night. Just had bible study tonight so it was awesome seeing the church family again. I felt at home.. and its the best feeling in the world when I see my AZ church family. Today they had a guest speaker from Russia. and his brother. and all I can say about that is we people in the US are VERY blessed people. We've got it made. we are able to have Bibles wherever we want them without having to worry about being killed for our beliefs in Christ. if yoy actually think about it.. people in those communist countries die every day for beilieving in Jesus. And I am thankful that I am in a free country for me being able to believe what I can. :-)


well sweetheart, I miss you babe-o sooooo much

I think about you every moment of every day.. and I dream about you and when I am able to see your handsome smile in front of me again.

I love you husband,
The wife.
Good night,
Have a good weekend babe-o!

Been Thinking

I've come to realize that my husband has been right all along. And as much as I'd like to say he wasn't right, with this I can't help it. I've finally accepted that my husband is not going to re-enlist in the Navy. I've overlooked a couple of the most important things in a marriage, and one of those is growing together and that we shouldn't be apart. Since he is on the green side, if we were going to re-enlist, I know we'd have to face at least 2 or 3 more deployments. The military has been our life saver, financially. They pay for so many things that I kinda get scared in what we will do once he decides to get out. Derek has been talking a lot about moving back to Zona and actually had been looking at houses online. He really wants to buy a brand new house, everything we design and choose. And I don't blame him. He's always been on the go that he really hasn't had a place to actually call home. And all I want to do is make him happy and be apart of his life. Well, most of you know that I DO NOT want to move back to Zona. For school, but I've decided that I am going to UofA for school, they have a campus in Phx that I can attend and to really think about it we should be set. Derek will find a job at the hospital, and me.. Let's see if I get a job in the future. Lol...

Well, babe-o... I've missed you so much these past few weeks than I have in forever. I love you so much!

Your wife,

Love you husband.

Xoxox

Still sick

I've been feeling sick the past few days, I've got a tickle in my throat and my tummy has been killing me like no ones business. My head has been pounding because I'm going through my "caffiene attacks" again. But I'm trying to stop drinking coffee so in the mean time I'm going through withdrawls.

I'm in Arizona. Been here for 2 days. I love being home and being with the family, only thing is I wish my husband were here to expeirence my family more. Actually, I just wish he was home. Period.

I really don't have much to say lately. My life has been so blank. Alls I know is when I don't talk to my husband my life just sucks. Its been difficult that I haven't been able to talk with him as much these past couple of weeks.....

I miss my babe-o so much

Love you husband,
The wife.
Xoxox

I'm home!

It took a full 7 days for me to hear from my husband! Omg it was long overdue, I missed his voice so much, that I got a little teary when I heard him say. "Hi baby". That melted my heart. My husband is my pride and joy, the light of my life. He made that whole week without hearing from him, simply better. I was having so many mixed feelings. I was mad one day, and anxious for him to call so I could tell him off. Then the next day I was sad where I just wanted to hear his voice, my emotions have been out of control lately! God I miss my husband! But just hearing his voice today made all the problems that I have, melt away. I have an amazing husband. I can't wait to have him home and me back in his arms. ;-)

I've pretty much have had the best day ever. I was able to talk to my husband for a long time and I'm hear with my family.

I love you babe-o

The wife

Being a woman

Alright, so my last post I was talking about ovulating. Ovulating is so under rated its ridiculous. If a man could expeirience ovulation, I'd enjoy that. Even just once. Haha.

Alright, down to business. I had an okay day. Woke up, did the usual. Homework. I had a paper due yesterday at midnight and I totally forgot it was due so today I turned it in late. First time ever that its happened and I got two points deducted. That sucks. Oh well. After homework I had to meet with my team mates from school for a group project that we have to do. That was cool. Well worth the time because we got plenty done. After that I headed to blockbuster and picked up some movies. I've watched every movie that we own. That I started watching some of them. Two and three times. I was due new movies. Haha

When I got home I was hungry so I made some food. :-) and now I'm watching a movie. Hahaha. God my life is boring. I have been waiting 4 days to talk to my husband and I have not received a call! I think the Lord is trying to teach me something! Patience! For sure!

I miss my babe-o soooo much

BUT I love you more!!

The wife, bern

Xoxoxox

Ovulating sucks

Oh the start of yet another joyous month. Ovulation. Just kidding, could you see my sarcasm in that? I forgot what cramps were like! Never have I had cramps like this ever. I am in some serious pain. I've had hot flashes today and out of no where I am freezing! Then I fell asleep and I woke up sweating like nobodies business. I am in pain. And ib profen is NOT helping! I hate midol and heat pads are out of the question. I wish my husband was home to take some serious care of me.

In other news. I had class tonight, a new class for the next 5 weeks. Class was for 4 hours and it seemed like 4 years. 6-10 and all we did was talk about the same stuff! I figured it out, I am paying 1500 per class and all we talk about is the same subject?!?! Wtf why is it that much? I can't figure it out but it gets me!

Well update on my babe-o. He is doing...... Well I don't know I haven't talked to him in 4 days. And I hate it! I missed his time on the internet and I pretty much beach myself up over it. I have just been praying and praying he would call and he hasn't. I am trying to figure out why, but I can't.

Well, Sunday is Easter and I am pretty excited about it. Christmas and Easter are pretty close. They both have to deal with Christ. And I just wish he was home to celebrate this holiday with me. Remember when we were young and we use to boil easter eggs and color them and do an egg hunt? God I miss those days, those were the days.

I miss you my handsome husband

Xoxox
The wife, love you babe-o

I need him.

Today is the first day "not" talking to my husband. Eghh. Just when it started getting better. :-( I mean I look forward to talking with him through a webcam now! I do look forward to that...

On a more positive note. I again, took care of business today. I paid all our bills for the month and managed to pay 2 credit cards off! So now we have 1 and our cars, and that's it. So things are looking up on that aspect. Its been a little harder having only one income now, but I mean. Its working. Dereks making bank right now so its good.

I went to church tonight a prayer meeting. It was good, I love praying. Especially for my family, and derek my husband. I know when you make your requests know to the Lord he hears you. And he answers your prayers.you gotta be faithful with the small things and God will continue to increase the land beneath your feet. I know that for a fact. :-) God is good.

Well, I don't have too much to day tonight babe-o. I want you to know that I miss you terribly.

I love you babe-o,
The wife. Xoxox

a start of a new exercise

So... He's off to The Phillipines!! :-( these past couple weeks have been great! Him and I really were just adjusting well, talking and such. Now he's off. Again. Now I have to get used to the fact all over again that I won't be hearing from him 2 or 3 times a day... Now, if I'm lucky, once or twice a week. And leave me alone! I have every right to complain. All of us woman do, but we lucked out that they didn't have to go to Afghanistan after all. But I mean, its still hard and the distance is horrible. But I just already wish he was home! Its early at 90 days and 123 days that he can be back in my arms again... So that, that puts a smile on my face. So we'll see how it goes in the Phillipines. I mean, I am excited for him. Just not being able to hear from him gets the best of me sometimes. :-( I love my husband so much, more than he will ever ever know. And I am praying that he continues to be safe and protected. And I pray that this time will in fact fly by. Thailand was long, Korea even felt like it was longer.. :-( but this exercise starts on the 16th and ends 2 weeks later, giving them at least a couple days of limbo or liberty. Whatever its called. :-).

Babe-o, I miss you and I love you terribly. :-)

Xoxox bern

Wow

I must say that today has been a tremendous day. I had a good day. I woke up, which at the beginning I didnt want to, I was so tired talking to my husband all night that I didnt want to... then I mentally told myself I BETTER get up and head to church. and I did. church was awesome as usual, the great thing about my church is that everyone is so supportive.. I mean they are always praying for Derek, and they have yet to meet him.. Everytime when I walk in to the church they always ask me... "Hows the hubby?" it makes me feel special and touches my heart that people are concerned and are showing that support that I have really been needing. so church was great.. after church I headed to the grocery store.. I absolutely love grocery shopping. its fun and it actually relaxes me.. and I make sure I walk through every single isle. I know I dont drink or anything to that nature but its cool looking at all the new bottles they have out and I like looking at the prices of alcohol. I think people are just plain ignorrant to be spending like $32 bucks on certain drinks.. I see it as a waste of money, and the feeling is temporary for sure. Well as I was doing some grocery shopping, I kinda got a little overwhelmed. I was walking and I cant help but think how it is when Derek and I go grocery shop. Its so cute how my husband shops, I mean sometimes it gets on my nerves, cause I think he does it on purpose most times... but we'll be in the store and he'll like grap a spatula and he'll say we will need it for one thing or another.. Im like Derek, no we dont need that right now.. we have that already... haha but just the way he is, like a little kid sometimes... throwing random things in the cart like I'm not noticing it... trust me. I know.. I make sure I calculate things in my head.. but its cute... God I miss that. I cant wait til he is home so we can do that...

well after I was done grocery shopping I was all pumped, I was going to take the cars to get washed, fill them up on gas and such... yeah that didnt happen, Almost instantly when I got home I was tired! from talking to D. So I didnt even put the groceries away, I fell asleep so fast.. hhaha so after I was in my deep ol sleep my dad calls. not once, but twice... first time I didnt answer was because I was sleeping... so I ignored it and I was going to call him when I woke up, that didnt happen. he called again. So I answered, and he knew I was sleeping so he said to call when I woke up.. well after I woke up I couldnt go back to sleep! so I was up, but by this time I was hungry... so I decided to make myseld some homemade salsa.. it was yummy.

So after that I decided to check my grade for my last class I completed. well I got a 89%!!!!!!!!
tell me how come my instructor couldnt bump that up to an A!?!?! I got a B! which is sucky! now my gpa is gonna be affected. I have honors and I def cannot afford to get sucky B's. so I was bummed just a little bit. but oh well I guess.


So then Derek called me. thats when I was happy again. I talked to him briefly, but it was still great. after that I figure I'll catch up on my calls, so I called D's dad, my dad and my sisters.. so I am good until tomm.. lol..

So now I am hungry again and now I'm gonna go make a BLT, I bought alot of bacon today... lol

Well, I have to prepare for another busy day. Cant wait to talk to my babe-o again tonight

I love you babeo

The wife

Whats new?

So I'm sitting here in the naval hospital right now, actually in the pharmacy area and this place is loaded with people. All ranging in age. And I'm sitting here looking at all these different faces and these guys in uniform and I can't help but ask myself what they are being seen for and what medication they are taking. I know weird right? I'm sitting here about to pick up some inhalers! And I am dying to know also, how many people are addicted to their medication. Its a big question to ask yourself. I mean sure, the old people in this place need medication for like their health, something to keep them truckin right. But I mean like all these young people in this place, I wanna know how many abuse medication. I'm weird, I know. Gimme a break here u have a lot of time on my hands to think of weird things like this.

Well, I hate hospitals, the fact that I'm sitting here listening to these crying out of control kids, just gets under my skin. It urkes me! I just wanna tell the parent, yo control your child. I know I know some of these kids are babies, and they cry for no apparent reason at all, but the toddlers? Wtf, why do they cry? Oh cause mommy didn't let them run off or they didn't get what they want, so of course they are throwing a hissey fit like nobodies business.

I guess I woke up in a bad mood today, actually a horrible mood and because I woke up this was I am bothered with pretty much everything today. My husband and I were arguing and he doesn't help it! He laughs when I'm upset and that just burns me. He doennt understand how mad that really makes me sometimes. My husband mind is like a child sometimes and I don't get it. Yesterday we argued because of the way he dresses! I hate the way he dresses. I mean I look at it this way... You reflect your spouse. I reflect my husband and my husband reflects me. And me, when I go out with my husband I make every attempt to look my best, I take pride in how I look, especially when it involves my husband. But, my husband however, sometimes ddoesnt care and to an extent it bothers me. I mean, I guess when we talked I kinda took things a little overboard but still, he should try to look nice for me right? Or am I mistaken? If I'm mistaken what the hell has the world come to if people don't care about the way they present themselves?? I don't get it, but when I look at it. I make every attempt possible to look nice, and when I really make the effort, my husband doesn't even notice.. His head and eyes are so locked to other things-like playing his psp or doing something dumb, where he doesn't even notice. And I make every attempt possible for him to notice, think he does? Yeah right you gotta be kidding me.

Bernadette

My Babe-o

So today, today was a pretty interesting day. I havent yet talked to my husband, but when I do I have pretty much a fabulous day.. well as of yet I havent talked to him. but I have had an awesome day. I mean I didnt really do anything except stay at home and mess around, but it was a good day. I woke up early and I went running and pumped some iron today. after that, I took a shower, sat down and did some homework. I had class tonight, and I had to do a presentation that had to be long.. at least 10 mins.. I had 12 slides, including references. so I figured if I do at least one min per slide, I should be ok right? well the team that I presented with went over. like 10 mins. haha. But we did it and accomplished it, it was great in my opionion.

My husband posted some pretty rad photos on him and all the places he has been so far. and I must say, my husband isnt the best when dealing with a camera but the pictures that he was able to take were amazing. My favorite ones were from when he was in Thailand. I dont know, but if you ask me he does look a tad different but still amazing as usual. I smiled and got a little teary eyed when I saw them, but I am happy that he is able to visit and see places that normally people pay thousands for.. lol..

Right now its about 1013 in the PM. about to lay down. I have a busy day tomm. I have a drs appt and have to go on a shopping hunt for my husband. He wants a particular game that he cant seem to find in Oki, so I'm gonna rise to the challenge and make the attempt to find this darn game. haha. and take care of some other stuff. looks like tomm I'll be heading to the beach with a new girlfriend that I met!. I am so excited to finally being able to meet some people in the area from where we dwell, and to make it more cool shes a military GF! ;-) they are the best. so I cant wait.

In other news. nothing much going on, looks like I will be visiting AZ in a couple weeks again. My baby sister is having her SR prom and I took the responsibility to do like 11 girls' makeup! not up to the level of professionalism but I know what I am doing. I must say I am pretty handy with makeup.. I have to give myself props. I wish I could do makeup school. I think that it would be so awesome to do. learn all new techniques and things like that. I mean, when I step foot into Sephora, I just look at pictures and I get these ideas in my head when it comes to different shades of eyeshadow and it makes me go crazy cause I think it would be possible for me to start making my own eye shadow. I can do it. I know I could.

Well I am about to sign off for the night, I miss my husband so much its ridiculous!. I love you babe-0

The wife

x0x0x

Good day

Ive talked to my husband today for the majority of the day and that in itself has made my day. I missed talking to him while he was in Korea, he was doing a whole bunch of training excercises. I am so very grateful and extremely blessed for the husband that I have. I know I dont tell him enough how much I appriciate all the things that he does for me, but I do. I am a blessed woman and I dont know what my life would be without my husband in it. I know he isnt here right now to hear me complain about my day, and I dont have anyone to go and cry to right now, but when he gets back all will change. I know it. I miss him so much. you know so many woman take their husbands for granted, that I've made a commitment to myself that I will do whatever it takes to keep my husband happy (gosh, should I be admitting that) ?? :-)

well, its getting late and I need to hit those sheets, i didnt accomplish any of the homework that I was supposed to today. bummer. tomm is homework overload.

Good night
i love you babe0

x0x0x

Sitting Here

I have been sitting in the same spot the last 5 hours. Reason why- because of homework. oh my dear Lord this homework that I have had this week is too much, its taken a lot out of me today. When I got done I figured, better go update my blog, cause I know my husband likes to keep tabs on me and know what is going on with me. this morning I talked to my husband and the stupid call was dropped. Now I dont know if it was me, or him but it sucked. I sat there waiting for him to call me back and he never did. I ended up falling asleep with the phone in my left hand, and when I woke up, I was in the same position I was in when I fell asleep! haha. but no, its not funny cause I waited all night for a call back and I never got one. Usually Derek is pretty good at calling me back right away, so I figured the calling card ran out or the phones went down, which both are possibilities. So now its 23:08 and I am hungry. I was going to go and run to get something from Subway, but I kept putting it off cause I had to get homework done. and then when I finally looked at the clock, everything is too late. my tummy is growling and its too late for me to actually cook like a meal, so I guess hot chettos it is.. haha. no no no. just kidding. I'll figure something out. My husband has been getting on me alot about eating.. I am worried too much to be having to be worried about eating. My stress level is out of control because he is gone. so eating is one less thing I have to worry about.

I hope he does call me tonight, I mean he has money so I better be getting a call tonight or else.. :-) just kidding babeo. (I know you are reading this). We are gonna be hitting triple digits soon. and single digits for your return. oh yeah by the way. today sucked.

I have nothing else to say today

Love you babe-o.
Bern

distance makes the heart grow stronger

Well, today was a somewhat productive, yet kinda bymmed day. How does that work? haha. Well this morning, Dereks buddy, Etrata left to Iraq, again. Etrata is on a special team, so there were only 9 guys heading out. I was up at 230 and we got there at like 4, and everyone should have been there by 5, and no one showed up until 630. He was so scared in thinking they left without him of he was there at the wrong time. He was there on time, just thouse other douche bags were running late. Well when I said good bye to him, I felt like I was saying bye to the last person I know out here. I mean, yeah he is my husbands friend, but my husbands friends are my friends too. I was kinda sad because it reminded me of when Derek and the rest of the guys left. It actually made me feel sad a little, I felt like crying but I held it together. I told him that he will be home before he knows it, I said as soon as the guys get back, I'll blink my eyes and you'll be home. So I said a prayer over him and I went on my way. Now I am holding another guys stuff in our storage. :-).

Today I also went to go pay that dumb speeding ticket that I should have paid on last Friday, I had to drive 81 miles to the court house in El, Cajon. It sucked bad. I didnt want to drive all the way back home from Oceanside then drive all the way back again, So I just went, drove down there and parked.. took like a 2 hours nap. haha. Well I did talk to my husband today. HE is doing good. He has to work later on, which is a bummer cause he told me that he was supposed to have like 3 days off or something like that... so I dont know... they are getting ready to go to the Phillipines here real soon. I hope I can talk to him more than I did when he was in Thailand, I think I should. I dont know yet. We will see what they have lined up and for how long he will be there. I'm actually excited for him to go there, I mean thats part of my heritage, and I know how he just loves to try new foods and see new things so I am almost positive he will enjoy himself. I hope he can buy me some candy from there. It is the best candy aside from mexican candy. thats for sure. I want something cool when he goes there. maybe something that I can wear or use on a regular basis, ohhh maybe like a bag for school. like a book bag or something.. Hmm, whatever it is or whatever it happens to be I know that my husband will put all his heart into finding me something special.

Right now, I just woke up from like a 3 hours nap, and I feel great. I went to sleep so my headache could go away, and it did!. haha I just put on that Ironman movie and now I'm here doing this, and start some homework here in a bit. I hope I hope and pray my husband calls me today. I've been so moody with him that I have been a little mean lately. hmm

Well I am about to do some other stuff and wait on my husband.

I love you my gorgeous handsome man,
love you babe-o

Bern

I think its getting worse

Alright, so we often always hear that one saying, "before it gets better it gets worse" but how much bad stuff does someone have to go through to make it get better? The husband has been gone for 3 months now and eveything is still falling the heck apart! Were already half way through this deployment and it seems its just getting worse. I have been missing him so much more that the way I feel is turning into me being unhappy, and him it seem like he's not being an awesome husband. Which he is, don't get me wrong, I just wish I could talk to him more, (yeah right, he's on deployment huh?) I'm lucky if I get to talk to him every day, let alone just let me hear his darn sweet voice that makes me feel better, his cute laugh that I miss, or him telling me he is going to impregnante me when we speak on the phone, it just sucks balls. My complaining level has went to a very low amount to it being out of control. I can't take this anymore, I just wish I could be in a coma for the rest of the time he is gone. And to make it worse, I get mad and angry with him! I don't expect him to know what to say or how to comfort me.. This just sucks.

Love you babe-o
B

I've had the worse of luck

I haven't talked to my husband going on 4 days now, and its finally catching up with me. I've missed him so much, just when I though things couldn't get worse, it gets worse. Haha. All I do now is just laugh and say, "God, your in control". At least when I talk to my husband I am at a peace, but when I don't, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even concentrate... Because all I dwell on is my great husband, and yes he is absolutely wonderful. I think about something funny he has said to me and that puts a smile on my face, and big ol cheesy smile too, the kinda smile he can only get out of me...(Yes even though he's not here).

Yesterday, I decided to go to the Cadillac dealership by our house, the dealership that I initially took our car to, to get it fixed... Well, the guys at the dealership tried to pass a fast one on me.. They decided to diagnose my car wrong, they fooled me into thinking that it was my tires that were messing up my car, (in Nov Derek and I put new tires on both of our cars) well I thought that didn't sound right so I took my car to Arizona to have a second set of eyes to look at the car, turns out the car dealership in California gave me the wrong information about my car, it had nothing to do with my tires. It ended up being a darn leark in the power steering and a sensor light had to be changed on it...which we ended up getting fixed since it was covered under warranty....BACK TO THE STORY...
So I decided yesterday to go back to the Cadillac dealership that jacked me out of our money and left me without the Cadillac for 4 days... Well I went back and told them off, I told them they diagnosed me car wrong, they jacked me for my money and they did it all because I'm a female.. I was really pissed off, to make matters worse no one wanted to even help me yesterday! So I told them if they didn't refund me our money I was going to write to the better business bureau and get the local news station invloved for being a stupid company, as soon as I said that... Oh yeah, they decided they were going to refund us our money. It just is a bit upsetting, that I am trying to take care of the "guy" business, since my husband is gone, he's not here to do it, so I stepped up to the plate and I'm getting things done.
Stupid companies think woman can be played for a fool, well not me. I just wonder how many people they've screwed over because of it. Ignorrant people, I swear. And to make my weekend to go a step further, I got a speeding ticket in December driving back from AZ, and I had until March 11th to pay the 374 bucks! Yes that much, well I expressed it to be sent to the court so they could process the payment, well come to find out the stupid money was never taken out of the account! I received a notice in the mail saying the retarded bill was past due and an additional 300 dollars was going to be added, and it was going to be sent to a collection agency! Well yesterday I called and they told me I had to go in person to do the dumb payment, no I couldn't pay over the phone, no I couldn't pay online, and no I couldn't talk to a representative to process the payment for me. Well, they gave me a grace period that was until yesterday! I had to pay it by yesterday to aviod any penalties, so I called to see what location I could pay, they said any location in San Diego county, so I was like shoot, there's one in Oceanside, to make matters worse they close at 330 on Fridays, well I made in by 310 and I was all excited that I was there, well they told me I had to go to a specific location! I was so upset, I was told I could go to any location! Ugh, well now I have to go on Monday! I'm so bummed, everything bad has happened this past weekend. I just wish my husband were home so he can life some of these issues off of me. I miss home so much. Its beginning to be unbearable.

I love you Derek,

The babe-o,
Bern

in school

I didn't get a chance to write a entry yesterday! I had some much homework yesterday it was a bit tough to finish all of it but you know me I finished it all. Yes all of it. :-) its about 530 pm here and I just stepped foot in class, I arrived home about 330. Gave me enough time to unpack and kinda rest my mind for a moment. I'm kinda happy to be home but at the same time I already my my family. A lot. But I'm a big girl. I can hang in there and stay strong. Its so weird when you left, I got used to being on my own that the family annoyed the crap out of me. Haha.

The drive was long today, well not really. It took me about 5 hours exactly. With 2 stops. I drunk so much coffee before I left I had to stop and pee. And with my mindset that you given me when we drive to az. "Were only stopping once!". I did not want to stop, I felt like you were driving. Literally. There wasn't too much traffice hitting san diego. When I hit oceanside that's when the traffic got a little backed up. But I made good time.

So tomm I am going to send you the stuff I bought you out. I'm excited for you to get it. I am. I've been so anxious to buy you some stuff that I tend to get ancy. :-) and really really excited.

Nothing new really happening this week, I was thinking if the weather were nice I may take a dunk (haha that sounds funny) in the ocean. I am so ready to get in that nasty ocean water. :-)

Well I'm about to start studying babe-o. I hope your trip back to Oki turns out ok. I'm here praying for you.

I love you babe-o.

The wife. :-)
Xoxo

I hate to worry

I know that I don't live at home anymore and now that I am a married woman my responsiblities should change and I shouldn't worry about my parents right? Wrong. My dad is getting sick and I feel like I'm going to loose my mind, I mean I don't know what's wrong with him but I know its something serious cause he doesn't want to tell me and the girls. I know my mom knows and I don't think my mom is holding up too good. When I think of like the worst things that could happen I can't help but cry. I know I shouldn't worry because we serve and awesome God and God won't give us too much that we can't handle. But its a bit overwhelming trying to stay strong and focused. I mean, its bad enough I worry about my husband and his safety. But now I have more to worry about, my parents and my sisters. Ugh. It hurts. The devil is such a lair. Because we serve a mighty God, and I know this isn't the will of God for our famiy.
I had to vent just a tad. Lord, please help my father get better and get hime healthy.

I talked to my handsome hunny today. Let me first say, I hate taking care of bills. Its so hard, especially because I'm here and he is there. I mean we both have to buy stuff right? It just has gotten a bit hard lately figuring out the bills/planning a wedding and so on. I still love you though, I'm looking forward to getting my jade charm. :-)

I'm so exhausted today that I need to get rest. I have a large amount of homework that I need to complete by tomm. I must go to bed, I know it will be a couple days that ill go without talking to you. You are headed back to Oki at 2am this morning, taking a 9 hour bus ride to get to the beach then another 40 hours or so on those darn speed boats. Stay safe and keep that head up of yours.

I love you babe-o

The wife

Tired.

These past couple of days have been a tad exhausting. I know I dont work and there is no need for me to be tired right? wrong. I stay up all night waiting to talk to my husband for the short time that I can, therefore that makes me tired. Lately people have been giving me crap because I dont work and I dont care what people have to say about that. If I dont want to work I wont. I dont understand why people think its such a huge deal that I dont work!? Gimme a break, I have a lot on my plate and I dont care what anyone thinks.. I take care of bills, and I go to school, that in itself is overwhelming. I hate doing bills, but I have to.. Of course if that man I married were here I wouldnt have to worry about that, but I do. I have been so frustrated lately, especially being around people. I havent been around people still Derek left and its been hard for me adjusting to being on my own, and now that I am used to it. People annoy that heck out of me. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but its the truth. My poor frickin husband is out there in the middle of some ocean, in some country, doing some sort of training that he will never use.. and I have people over here giving me their 2 cents in lately.? I dont think so.. I just wish everyone would mind their own business and back off. my husband and I are very private people.. we dont let too many people get close.. but my family is here trying to support the both of us the best they can, but I feel like they are just intruding to an extent.. and all I want to do is hope and pray that my husband is doing ok, and that he isnt going without and most of all that all his needs are being met.. I miss him so much.

I love you

Crazy in laws.

Alright, so I know I am young and I have ALOT of livin to do. and I know I aint that quite exp and all, but I know enough to know about the needs of my husband and what I need to do to be a good wife. well my MOTHER is a complete moron sometimes.. she is the crazy in law that I prayed I would never have! my mother tries her hardest to give the best advice for our marriage, but lately shes been a bit overboard! my parents took me today to go look at model homes, so we can get an idea of pricing and stuff when he gets back. Well, shes telling me all this crap about bring married, and its not going to be easy and im like "yo, I didnt ask for your opionion"gahhh, today has been a bit overwhelming. I'm kinda happy I moved to CA so I dont have to deal with. I dont have much to say today.


Love you babe-o

The wife

How we Military woman do it.

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives, girlfriends or fiances have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious woman who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife, fiance or girlfriend out there who gets bored when her soldiers leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of alcohol always helps keep me busy.)
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.) -- ok I HAVE to add to this one... I hate it when people say, oh he's gone for ONLY 7 months? Mine left for 9 months or 1 year. This pisses me off! I'm considered "lucky" but what can't ya'll just see the fact that HE'S GONE!!! No matter how long it is, it's hard and we cope! GRRRR!!! ~v~
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. I also dont expect you to know that Al Asad is the second largest military base out there. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)
13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)
last but not least....
14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom

another day with a headache

Ugh! I have another headache and I think its from my coffee withdrawls. I wish you were back already to stop me from drinking it so much! My head is pounding. And I did not drink any today. So today pretty much was a lame day! However I am looking forward to tommarows church service. So we will see how that goes. I didn't hear from you today, I figured you men are now prolly on those speed boats heading back to Oki, which is fine by me. I just hope you call me soo. I'm anxious to talk to you. For the most part things are good. I'm visiting my parents. My dad cracks me up. The doctor told him he needs to walk and be more active so today we went walking, when we got back he was walking all over the house with no shirt on and him sticking out his chest. Thought that was funny. My day gets made in the slightest of ways. Lol.

Well I'm laying down, ready to hit the sheets.

I miss you and I love you babe-o

The wife.

Disappointed but I really do love you more!

Alright, So yesterday was a bit of a disappointment when you broke me that news. Kinda hurt my heart Derek, you can be such a jackass sometimes that you dont think about your choices that you make when you make them, I just wish you would have thought things through before you made that rational decesion. But babe-o it is what it is now and its done and over with, and this will make us stronger. I promise. you watch and see. That was a hump for sure. I knew it the whole time and I was just waiting for you to come clean to me you buttface. I still love you regardless, and I know we are both still are learning a lot, together about marriage.. and trust me we both know that it has been hard, we got hitched then you left.. ugh, sucky huh? its ok. its ok.. It was awesome though, talking to you for like 2 and a half hours yesterday. I must say I am one lucky woman to get calls a couple times a day.

well today was a good day, me and my sisters drove back to AZ, yes I woke up at 0500 this morning, I havent been woken up that early since you left! haha. Well we got to Phx about 12ish, I immediately went and changed my name. Its official now. I am in fact a Gonzo now. literally. ha, I talked to your dad and told him. he laughed. your dad is so funny, today he called me bernie. I was like wtf, only my mom calls me that! haha.. ok ok back to the story, so I changed my name and I filed our taxes, the stupid tax place said that you needed to be here.. I was like, whoa pump the breaks.... I have power of attorney and I have every legal document that you need.. pissed me off... Shoot.. your wife turned into a little hothead this afternoon.. lol but all went well and we actually did awesome.. better than we both thought.. and its God. :-) Do you see how God is continually providing for us? He is so awesome.

So right now I am sitting with my parents watching some boring movie, you know how I hate to watch movies, especially if I'm not interested in the movie.. haha.. I am so bored.. I hope I get a call from you tonight. I have some news to tell you.. I am hoping and praying you call. I love you so much..

Babe-o hang in there and I am completely sorry that I was a jerk to you. I overreacted like really bad, so I am sorry. I love you so much and I am happy you are my husband.. extremely blessed.

I love you babe-o,
The wife

Hello again deployment, oh how I dont like you

Dear deployment,
Thanks to you I've been worrying a lot about the safety of my husband (even though he's not in a war zone area). Deployment because I worry I've lost 13 pounds in the 11 weeks my husband has been gone! I've lost my appetite to the foods that I love the most! I can't even force myself to eat sometimes. I worry at night that my husbands cold, that he's not eating, that he is thirsty, and that he's not getting the proper amount of sleep. It frightens me to think his needs aren't being met. Deployment, you took my man away and because you've taken him away I've dislocated my arm 3 times in the little time he has been away, and yes I said dislocated. I've tried lifting my super heavy TV, moving my fridge. And taking a heavy box of his things up the stairs. Deployment thanks to you my drain the the tub is clogged, yes its backed up with my thick ol hair, and because its clogged up I don't have enough "woman" strength to undo the darn knob and remove the hair myself, if my super handy man hubby was here he would have just did it. He woulda pulled out the tools necessary, laughed at how much hair I've lost, probably gagged a couple times and threw it away, yes just like that deployment. Easy huh? But deployment thanks to you I've developed an outstanding relationship with my father who in fact was a Marine. Deployment, my dad has helped me, and guided me and told me what tools to use for unclogging my drain when it happens again. He has also helped me figure out what tools need to be used for what. Deployment, thanks to you I'm learning how to become handy with tools, yes deployment ill still be a girly girl, still wear makeup and always will have my nails done...

I'd STILL really would like my husband back now

A very proud US Navy wife.

Package from Thailand, are you Mrs. Gonzalez?

Of course I'm mrs. Derek Ray Gonzalez!!! I decided to take a trip to the post office today and check our PO box, not expecting anything I got a package sent from across the world, Thailand! My babe-o sent me some awesome stuff I am so blessed I have a husband who buys me stuff. (Not in some sort of spoiled way) but in a way that shows he is so interested in buying me stuff. My husband is completely awesome. He makes me feel so special, I know I know we haven't been married long enough to "expierence" marriage. But I don't like people saying that bad stuff, "oh give it a year or so and the kissing/cuddling/sex is gonna be over". I don't think so. I hate it when people say that kinda stuff. That bothers me, its almost like people are trying to curse our marriage.

Oh well enough about that.. In other news my sisters are still here and they got into a heated conversation today. (It means argument) but they have been mad at each other for the majority of the day and it makes me sad cause all I want to do is spend time with them and have some fun. Being around girls makes me feel good. Haha I been so used to being around guys (dereks buddies) that it was weird hanging out with my sisters at first. Haha. Lame I know

Well, I'm about to move around some furniture. I love you babe-o and thank you for my stuff. I appriciate you so much

The wife.

Love you babe-o

Bern

Excited much?

Hey babe! you called me this morning at 0300! I did not expect a call from you for a while. and like I said on the phone I am sorry for being a jerk the other night. I just get so frustrated and overwhelmed with things that I tend to take it out on you and I should not be like that. I'm happy that you called, I was so tired last night that I wasnt gonna even answer my phone. thankfully I did. I can tell you are getting excited over coming back home. And thats awesome, you should look forward to coming home and adjusting all over again. Actually, you got me excited, this morning when I woke up and I have been thinking about is what we are going to do when you get home. And I see nothing wrong with getting excited and our hopes up even with us being 2+ months in this, its actually motivating more than anything. I like that. I tsgood ,its keeping me pumped. :-) I miss you so much, I love you even more. I cannot wait til you are home. I started writing a list of things I want to do when you get back, so look forward to doing a ton of things... :-) that DOES not involove always staying at home. You freak. I love you, I'm about to go running.

Miss you and hope to hear from you soon.

oh yeah, PS. MotoMail was down again today! it says the unit is back to its homestation and I am unable to submitt you a darn letter. :-(

I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU babe-o

Visiting Sisters?

Alright, so BOTH of my sisters are here in the lovely state of California visiting me for Spring Break. and I must say, (not to sound mean) but I am ready for them to leave.. ha. Since I've moved out here and Derek has been gone I am always alone, and now that I am used to being alone... being around people for long periods of time just bothers the hell out of me. :-) (yes I said hell) I have been annoyed by them so much in these last three days than I have been annoyed by anyone or anything in the past 3 months! thats counting my hubs being home and all the little annoying things he does.. (boy how I wish he was here to annoy me). They have me on the go, and I'm not used to doing anything except relax, cook, workout, school and drive!. I am loosing my mind. on top of that, I think I am becoming a little on the addictive side with Starbucks again!. Derek and I were going like 5 times a week before he left, and I swore to myself up and down that I did not want to become another addictive starbucks person. hahha. sounds funny enough right? to make matters worse, there is a Starbucks right across the darn street from our house.. walking distance.. so so so bad.. all the sugar in the coffee is doing nothing for the yoga/pilates/ or running I've been doing.. I need to put the coffee habits to a hault.. I havent heard from My D in the past couple days and its been a little on the overwhelming side. I miss him so much, but with my sisters here my mind has kinda been off the whole deployment, which isnt necessarily a bad thing. to say the least. When he last called, I was kind of a jerk to him! I wish I could have called him back and said sorry.


I miss you babe-o. more than you could possibly imagine. We are now down to month 3!. almost 50% of the way there soon. Hang in there, keep your head up, stay encouraged, and NEVER EVER forget that I am so proud of you and that I am standing behind you all the way, pushing and supporting you every step we both take..

I love you babe-o.

the wife.
B

Dear Mr. Deployment, yes this ones for you.

Dear deployment,

thanks to you I picked out brand new couches, yes brand new couches and the sofa just broke on me, yes it just broke. The furniture company didn't believe me that it just happened, because they didn't believe me they didn't want to come out to my house to exchange it. Of course, if that man I married were home I wouldn't have to call the furniture company to come exchange it, cause he would have done it without hesitation. It would have been just another funny episode in our newly married life. But he wasn't here. Thanks to you I killed a bug today, yes that's right deployment I killed a bug. I didn't scream, cry or run out of the room. Because there was no man in the house to run to. Just a flip flop laying next to the bed. So I picked the flip flop up and just killed the intruder. Deployment, thanks to you my health insurance, bank accounts and everything else that involves banking and insurance is all messed up. So was my husbands pay check. Things that I never even heard of are all screwed up. And of course there is nothing that I can do about it. Thanks to you deployment I cooked a meal for one today. The thing is, there was still more than enough for two on the stove. So I put the rest in tupperware, and cried. I knew crying wouldn't mean no knock on the door. I knew it wouldn't mean him sitting next to me at the table. But I cried anyway. Thanks to you my bedtime has gone from 10 pm to somewhere between 2 and 5 am. I barely know what it means to sleep anymore. Because when I do finally lay down at night, my bed is cold and lonely. And Tylenol PM is no substitute for a goodnight kiss. Yes I know. This is the life I chose to live. This life full of goodbyes, and being alone. In the corner of my mind a voice told me that as soon as he walked away anything and everything would fall apart. (Honestly though, I didn't expect our brand new furniture to break! That was a total surprise). I knew I would have to face things that would challenge me. I knew I would have to step up and be the man and woman of the household. Taking care of two cars, getting the oils changed, checking the fluid and doing annual maintenance has bettered me. But nothing could have prepared me for all the stuff that I'm learning or how much I've grown in the 2 months he's been gone. In these two months I've handled things that I never knew I could. Deployment, thanks to you I've become a stronger person, woman and wife. So thanks for everything deployment.

I'd like my husband back now.

Sincerely, a very proud USN wife.

enough already

So I keep having terrible headaches! I've stopped drinking coffee when Derek left, (starbucks anyways) but I drink coffee on a regular basis and when it comes to school and homework I drink it constantly to keep me going all night so I can accomplish homework! But for the past few days I've been in Arizona and my parents don't have coffee creamer in sight so I've been skippin out on the coffee. Well last night my parents asked me to go on a walk with them, and I went and my headache was out of control yesterday! I couldn't even move my head anyway cause I could hear the heartbeat in my head literally. Well we walked to target and the target has a starbucks in it! Oh my oh my! So I had to do it! My dad bought me some coffee. Omg almost instantly my headache was gone! And dad went a step further and bought me chocolate covered coffee beans, and I must say they are quite the delicacy! I do not want to get back on the starbucks binge! Please I am good with making my own coffee in our brand new awesome coffee maker! :-). But today I didn't have a headache either which was awesome cause I had a couple of the coffee beans. No lie those things work like a champ! Haha.

In other news, not too much going on. I talked to D's dad today. Nothing new with him. Same ol, same ol. He attends the univ of phx also, and I think its pretty cool he is still going to school. But things are going good, times flying a little bit faster, but at the same time slow as a dickens. I miss you so much! I can't wait til the day I'm back in your arms again.

I love you babe-o

Frustrated!

I logged on to motomail today to send you a letter and it says that the unit is in transit back to the home station. that bothered me!. All I want to do is write you letters and send you things in the mail and stupid motomail is down.. I am beginning to get a tad frustrated how I was before you left and that first month you left. I am getting so irratated with the small things, that the big things that bother me dont even bother me... This deployment sucks balls. and I wish it was already over so you can do these manly things that "I" have to do.. its hard!

In Arizona.

I decided to just pack up and visit my mom and dad this week. I havent seen them for a little over a month and it was killing me. haha... So I'm here visiting, I have to head back tommarow for school, which sucks but I have to. cant miss one class, or I'll be dropped. I am paying $1500 for 4 classes!. which is a lot for a private insititution. I have so much homework right now that its killing me to keep up with all of it.. and my mom doesnt seem to understand. I think she thinks when I come to visit her that my homework goes in to some sort of "frozen status" she keeps bugging me to go places with her, and as much as I would like to spend time with her, I just cant. Homework overload right now. and I HATE HATE HATE doing homework here, cause EVERYONE seems to call me or bug me in some way or another, and Im not a mean person I just tend to suck it up and let people bug me cause I dont ever like to say no. haha. which is somewhat of a bad thing.
I talked to my husband yesterday! He called me, it was a week since we've spoken but some awesome way he called me.. He was telling me that they are in Korea doing some feild training and he said he has never been more cold in his life. :-( I felt so bad hearing that from him. I wish I had some sort of superpower. haha that sounds lame, but seriously I wish there was a way for me to be there with him.. I miss him so much, the more I been staying busy though, the less depressed I get. which is a good thing, cause it somewhat makes the time go by somewhat faster. I just wish he was home already so I can give him the list of things to do for the wedding. ;-).

I have been having these horrible horrible headaches, like I used to about a year ago. and all I want to do is sleep just to stop by head from hurting. I was prescribed Replex, for headaches.. and well after I learned what the side effects were, I stopped taking them.. one of the major side effects were getting a heart murmor. who in the heck would still take the medicine? thats what I want to know!? you have to be dumb to still take those pills.. crazy, so I just been taking excedrine.. and it works, but it wears off fast.. its a killer..


well, I have to get to the homework. love you babe-o

When God Speaks

So last night, we had a guest speaker by the name of Dennis Torino. 4 time Mr. Universe, 5 time Mr. World, and so on. I can't remember all his titles. Lol. Well anyways, he is such an on fire man of God. He has the gift of healing, and the gift of the prophetic. Well, I went expecting that God would do something in our life, since Dereks not here doesn't mean I can't expect God to move in the both of our lives, cause were one, even with him a world away. Well, I went expecting that God would speak to me through him. And he did. It was crazy. He said that the Lord is going to bless my womb and give me as many kids as we want. He said that a lot of people have tried to curse me and speak death over me, but the spirit of the Lord says he will do the extraordinary. Wow. All I can say is God is on the move.. And God will fulfill his promises, even when they seemed blurred and won't come to pass. As long as we put the Lord first, God is going to fulfill the desires and dreams we have. :-). Today was an awesome day, 2 services and I got a full nights sleep. I should be heading to arizona this week, that's if I finish the homework. Babe-o. I hope you are staying warm at night, I know your in the field in the middle of Korea, and I know its cold there. I pray that your covered and that no sickness comes against you. I want you to know that your making me proud and that I'm here encouraging you. I love you so much! I pray that your blessed :-). Have a good night babe-o.

The house Hunters

Well you may know that Derek is not going to reinlist! :-( boo. I really really want him to because its perfect for the both of us. Especially me with school and all the awesome benefits the miltary has. The biggest concern derek has is having to go on another 3 or 4 deployments, in which most cases since were attached with the Marines only the finest get to go on deployments like that. Oorahh :-). And being that my hubby saves lives he is right along side with them. So his biggest fear is leaving me, and he has made it very clear to me that he doesn't do well being away from me. Its been difficult adjusting to being alone and taking care of the cars, paying the small bills we have, alont with planning a wedding :-) (but I don't work! Cause I'm in school and that alone makes my day harder). But not working is definately helping out a lot! Ok ok back to the story, since Derek doesn't want to reinlist were moving back to Arizona! :-) and were gonna buy a house and I'm gonna finish school there, most likely he will go to school too, and possibly work in a hospital. So we will see. I want to desperatly stay in san diego, but nope he wants to move back home. :-( so we still have 2 years here, he's been in like 3 years already which is awesome because my husband is a BA when it comes to his job! So we will definately see what the next 2 years takes us.. For the most part he still will be with the 5th Marine Division 3/5 Lima Company. :-). And me. Hmm. I'm gonna remain a housewife and work on the baby making when he returns. :-)))

oh my.

We'll, since Derek has been gone for about 2 months, I told him I was going to work on my fitness for the wedding, and since I'm a stay at home wife now. I am keeping my word. I have been working out 3 times a day. And man oh man I am feeling it.. My abs are killing my. My arms are sore and yoga is awesome. Every part of my body is achy and hurting. Ha. The yoga is making my body more flexible. Its so worth it. I love working out and I can't wait til my hubs comes home so we can run and workout together. I love you babe-o

thank the Lord!

Since Derek has been gone, all he has been talking about is impregnating me! Him and I decided that when we got together that I would get off birth control. Actually I only had one depo shot in Jan 08! And since then nothing to prevent pregnancy! Well in Nov 08 we started getting worried that I or him couldn't (reproduce sort of speak) wheew ill tell you what him and I have been through some troubles! Let me tell you! People thought we eloped because we got pregnant! Which wasn't the case at all! I didn't even want kids. Period. I didn't see myself being fit for being a mother, but of course my stunningly handsome hubby comes along and tells me he is going to do everything in his power to "plant a seed". the "Gonzo" seed to be exact! Well. Before he left we tried, haha like 11 times a night. Whoa, hey were newlyweds give us a break ok! Its alright if were rabbits! Well anyways. I always told him for the longest time! No babies. Please don't. I begged him to not try anything. Lol. Well come to find out I went to the drs for a "PFT" pulmonary function test. Well that didn't happen because I needed a referral. I did have one but I guess it wasn't in tricare. Which was fine with me cause from what I'm told those "pft's" consists of people yelling at you to breathe and run harder. So while I was there I asked the dr if it was "normal" to not have a period in over a year? YES! That depo-vera shot jacked me up! And I do not, I do not recommend that to anyone to take. The dr was like, "wtf, are you serious?". I was kinda embaressed to ask, but I wanted to know. He was like, "are you pregnant?' And my answer was exactly this, "you have to have sex to get pregnant! My husband is on deployment!" Haha I was all, there is no need for a pregnancy test. I can promise you that. :-) so I got blood work done and I was referred to a ferility dr. But looks like everything is FINALLY working and I am good to go for this. All my test results came back perfect! I guess it takes a year for the depo to leae your body! I look it jan 08 and since then. Never took any sort of "birth control"! Scary huh? Well I was and so was derek, actually Derek was more worried than I was about the whole situation. I swear certain things and problems freak this man out, and especially when it comes to my health! So when I told him the news yesterday he was sooo happy! I couldn't believe how he reacted to the news. I was thrilled. I so was excited to tell him. He is so ready to come back home and start baby making again. Haha. So who knows? I just don't want to get morbidly obese where I don't fit into my wedding dress! Derek said he'll gain weight with me.. Haha. I love you daddy! Your going to be an awesome dad. (-::

ANOTHER 3 WEEK journey.

I got off the phone with ya a little while ago, and so I go ANOTHER 3 weeks without you! Actually without talking to you period. No email, no IM. No nothing. Goodness, these last 2 weeks have been awesome. I've been so blessed talking to you for as long as I have, and boy these next 3 weeks are going to suck not hearing your voice, I swear when I don't talk to you everything seems to go wrong and bad. But with you gone I know that I can overcome this lonliness. I will write you everyday. :-) I love you my handsome utterly gorgeous husband. (-:

nothings changing!

I've accepted that with you gone, you and I are still the same dumb jokesters that we always were before you left. My biggest fear was you coming back a total changed indivdual. All I've realized is that the more I pray for you and the more I ask the Lord to direct and order your steps, I continue to hear the holy spirit saying to me, "everything is going to be okay.". Often times, I always try to think of the bad, and think of the worse that could happen to you, but God told me to stop thinking like that. You are protected under the mighty hand of God. I know I should put my total faith in the Lord, and I know that studying my word, and making my requests known to God, he hears me. The bible says to ask and it will be given to you, I asked for you, and now I have you. I realize that I am a very blessed woman of God. And I know that there aren't a lot of woman who get to go through what we are enduring. But with God, ALL things are possible and I know that if we always put God first in our marriage, our marriage will be a success and we will never fail. :-). I love you so much, I love the way you endure these countless tasks that have been at hand. I love the way you tell me you love me more after I just say I love you. I love the way your beautiful smile lights up my heart. I love the way that you can make a horrible situation seem like cheesecake to overcome. I love you because you are an amazing unique utterly gorgeous individual. I love you babe-o. With all my heart.

it was brief

Tonight, tonight I talked to you and it was brief, all day I thought of all the stuff I wanted to tell you and talk to you about and I didn't get a chance to have much of a conversation with you tonight. I know you had duty tonight, sorry you had that. Know I'm here, and I don't know how your feeling about the seperation but know I'm supporting you soo much. I wish there was a way for me to truly understand how you feel, especially with you being gone. Its 52 days today! And about 119 days to go. (Give or take). Today was a little rough. I was so eager to tell you about my day, and how I started reading the book you bought us about becoming a family. I read another chapter of that book I'm gonna send you. Omg I'm learning so much more about marriage, actually a whole new level. I can't wait for you to read it. I miss you so much babe-o. I have a headache from thinking too much about you! I love you I love you I love you...

I cannot wait to manhandle you.

Caffeine attack!

Oh my goodness. its 1208 pm and I am wide awake. I had a whole pot of coffee today and now I cant sleep and I have a terrible migrane headache because of it. bad mistake. my eyes are killing me, my head hurts, I have a cough and my throat has a tickle. I hope I dont get sick.. My sisters are coming here next week for spring break and I do not want to get sick.. today I talked to you. it was amazing like usual but today was exceptionally great. I dont know what you do or how you do it, but, man, you make me so relaxed when I'm so uptight and you arent even here to calm me down. but, something about the way you comfort me with what you say and how you say it makes me at ease so well. I started writing a whole bunch of things I miss while you were here and what I love about you.. I also started our wedding vows.. oh my, I have been getting myself worked up over little things.. especially when it comes to you and I cause I cant wait til you are back to do a whole bunch of things for the lost time we've missed.. well I dont have too much to say.

I love you my handsome hubs