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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sitting Here

I have been sitting in the same spot the last 5 hours. Reason why- because of homework. oh my dear Lord this homework that I have had this week is too much, its taken a lot out of me today. When I got done I figured, better go update my blog, cause I know my husband likes to keep tabs on me and know what is going on with me. this morning I talked to my husband and the stupid call was dropped. Now I dont know if it was me, or him but it sucked. I sat there waiting for him to call me back and he never did. I ended up falling asleep with the phone in my left hand, and when I woke up, I was in the same position I was in when I fell asleep! haha. but no, its not funny cause I waited all night for a call back and I never got one. Usually Derek is pretty good at calling me back right away, so I figured the calling card ran out or the phones went down, which both are possibilities. So now its 23:08 and I am hungry. I was going to go and run to get something from Subway, but I kept putting it off cause I had to get homework done. and then when I finally looked at the clock, everything is too late. my tummy is growling and its too late for me to actually cook like a meal, so I guess hot chettos it is.. haha. no no no. just kidding. I'll figure something out. My husband has been getting on me alot about eating.. I am worried too much to be having to be worried about eating. My stress level is out of control because he is gone. so eating is one less thing I have to worry about.

I hope he does call me tonight, I mean he has money so I better be getting a call tonight or else.. :-) just kidding babeo. (I know you are reading this). We are gonna be hitting triple digits soon. and single digits for your return. oh yeah by the way. today sucked.

I have nothing else to say today

Love you babe-o.
Bern

Monday, March 30, 2009

distance makes the heart grow stronger


Well, today was a somewhat productive, yet kinda bymmed day. How does that work? haha. Well this morning, Dereks buddy, Etrata left to Iraq, again. Etrata is on a special team, so there were only 9 guys heading out. I was up at 230 and we got there at like 4, and everyone should have been there by 5, and no one showed up until 630. He was so scared in thinking they left without him of he was there at the wrong time. He was there on time, just thouse other douche bags were running late. Well when I said good bye to him, I felt like I was saying bye to the last person I know out here. I mean, yeah he is my husbands friend, but my husbands friends are my friends too. I was kinda sad because it reminded me of when Derek and the rest of the guys left. It actually made me feel sad a little, I felt like crying but I held it together. I told him that he will be home before he knows it, I said as soon as the guys get back, I'll blink my eyes and you'll be home. So I said a prayer over him and I went on my way. Now I am holding another guys stuff in our storage. :-).

Today I also went to go pay that dumb speeding ticket that I should have paid on last Friday, I had to drive 81 miles to the court house in El, Cajon. It sucked bad. I didnt want to drive all the way back home from Oceanside then drive all the way back again, So I just went, drove down there and parked.. took like a 2 hours nap. haha. Well I did talk to my husband today. HE is doing good. He has to work later on, which is a bummer cause he told me that he was supposed to have like 3 days off or something like that... so I dont know... they are getting ready to go to the Phillipines here real soon. I hope I can talk to him more than I did when he was in Thailand, I think I should. I dont know yet. We will see what they have lined up and for how long he will be there. I'm actually excited for him to go there, I mean thats part of my heritage, and I know how he just loves to try new foods and see new things so I am almost positive he will enjoy himself. I hope he can buy me some candy from there. It is the best candy aside from mexican candy. thats for sure. I want something cool when he goes there. maybe something that I can wear or use on a regular basis, ohhh maybe like a bag for school. like a book bag or something.. Hmm, whatever it is or whatever it happens to be I know that my husband will put all his heart into finding me something special.

Right now, I just woke up from like a 3 hours nap, and I feel great. I went to sleep so my headache could go away, and it did!. haha I just put on that Ironman movie and now I'm here doing this, and start some homework here in a bit. I hope I hope and pray my husband calls me today. I've been so moody with him that I have been a little mean lately. hmm

Well I am about to do some other stuff and wait on my husband.

I love you my gorgeous handsome man,
love you babe-o

Bern

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I think its getting worse

Alright, so we often always hear that one saying, "before it gets better it gets worse" but how much bad stuff does someone have to go through to make it get better? The husband has been gone for 3 months now and eveything is still falling the heck apart! Were already half way through this deployment and it seems its just getting worse. I have been missing him so much more that the way I feel is turning into me being unhappy, and him it seem like he's not being an awesome husband. Which he is, don't get me wrong, I just wish I could talk to him more, (yeah right, he's on deployment huh?) I'm lucky if I get to talk to him every day, let alone just let me hear his darn sweet voice that makes me feel better, his cute laugh that I miss, or him telling me he is going to impregnante me when we speak on the phone, it just sucks balls. My complaining level has went to a very low amount to it being out of control. I can't take this anymore, I just wish I could be in a coma for the rest of the time he is gone. And to make it worse, I get mad and angry with him! I don't expect him to know what to say or how to comfort me.. This just sucks.

Love you babe-o
B

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I've had the worse of luck

I haven't talked to my husband going on 4 days now, and its finally catching up with me. I've missed him so much, just when I though things couldn't get worse, it gets worse. Haha. All I do now is just laugh and say, "God, your in control". At least when I talk to my husband I am at a peace, but when I don't, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even concentrate... Because all I dwell on is my great husband, and yes he is absolutely wonderful. I think about something funny he has said to me and that puts a smile on my face, and big ol cheesy smile too, the kinda smile he can only get out of me...(Yes even though he's not here).

Yesterday, I decided to go to the Cadillac dealership by our house, the dealership that I initially took our car to, to get it fixed... Well, the guys at the dealership tried to pass a fast one on me.. They decided to diagnose my car wrong, they fooled me into thinking that it was my tires that were messing up my car, (in Nov Derek and I put new tires on both of our cars) well I thought that didn't sound right so I took my car to Arizona to have a second set of eyes to look at the car, turns out the car dealership in California gave me the wrong information about my car, it had nothing to do with my tires. It ended up being a darn leark in the power steering and a sensor light had to be changed on it...which we ended up getting fixed since it was covered under warranty....BACK TO THE STORY...
So I decided yesterday to go back to the Cadillac dealership that jacked me out of our money and left me without the Cadillac for 4 days... Well I went back and told them off, I told them they diagnosed me car wrong, they jacked me for my money and they did it all because I'm a female.. I was really pissed off, to make matters worse no one wanted to even help me yesterday! So I told them if they didn't refund me our money I was going to write to the better business bureau and get the local news station invloved for being a stupid company, as soon as I said that... Oh yeah, they decided they were going to refund us our money. It just is a bit upsetting, that I am trying to take care of the "guy" business, since my husband is gone, he's not here to do it, so I stepped up to the plate and I'm getting things done.
Stupid companies think woman can be played for a fool, well not me. I just wonder how many people they've screwed over because of it. Ignorrant people, I swear. And to make my weekend to go a step further, I got a speeding ticket in December driving back from AZ, and I had until March 11th to pay the 374 bucks! Yes that much, well I expressed it to be sent to the court so they could process the payment, well come to find out the stupid money was never taken out of the account! I received a notice in the mail saying the retarded bill was past due and an additional 300 dollars was going to be added, and it was going to be sent to a collection agency! Well yesterday I called and they told me I had to go in person to do the dumb payment, no I couldn't pay over the phone, no I couldn't pay online, and no I couldn't talk to a representative to process the payment for me. Well, they gave me a grace period that was until yesterday! I had to pay it by yesterday to aviod any penalties, so I called to see what location I could pay, they said any location in San Diego county, so I was like shoot, there's one in Oceanside, to make matters worse they close at 330 on Fridays, well I made in by 310 and I was all excited that I was there, well they told me I had to go to a specific location! I was so upset, I was told I could go to any location! Ugh, well now I have to go on Monday! I'm so bummed, everything bad has happened this past weekend. I just wish my husband were home so he can life some of these issues off of me. I miss home so much. Its beginning to be unbearable.

I love you Derek,

The babe-o,
Bern

Thursday, March 26, 2009

in school

I didn't get a chance to write a entry yesterday! I had some much homework yesterday it was a bit tough to finish all of it but you know me I finished it all. Yes all of it. :-) its about 530 pm here and I just stepped foot in class, I arrived home about 330. Gave me enough time to unpack and kinda rest my mind for a moment. I'm kinda happy to be home but at the same time I already my my family. A lot. But I'm a big girl. I can hang in there and stay strong. Its so weird when you left, I got used to being on my own that the family annoyed the crap out of me. Haha.

The drive was long today, well not really. It took me about 5 hours exactly. With 2 stops. I drunk so much coffee before I left I had to stop and pee. And with my mindset that you given me when we drive to az. "Were only stopping once!". I did not want to stop, I felt like you were driving. Literally. There wasn't too much traffice hitting san diego. When I hit oceanside that's when the traffic got a little backed up. But I made good time.

So tomm I am going to send you the stuff I bought you out. I'm excited for you to get it. I am. I've been so anxious to buy you some stuff that I tend to get ancy. :-) and really really excited.

Nothing new really happening this week, I was thinking if the weather were nice I may take a dunk (haha that sounds funny) in the ocean. I am so ready to get in that nasty ocean water. :-)

Well I'm about to start studying babe-o. I hope your trip back to Oki turns out ok. I'm here praying for you.

I love you babe-o.

The wife. :-)
Xoxo

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I hate to worry

I know that I don't live at home anymore and now that I am a married woman my responsiblities should change and I shouldn't worry about my parents right? Wrong. My dad is getting sick and I feel like I'm going to loose my mind, I mean I don't know what's wrong with him but I know its something serious cause he doesn't want to tell me and the girls. I know my mom knows and I don't think my mom is holding up too good. When I think of like the worst things that could happen I can't help but cry. I know I shouldn't worry because we serve and awesome God and God won't give us too much that we can't handle. But its a bit overwhelming trying to stay strong and focused. I mean, its bad enough I worry about my husband and his safety. But now I have more to worry about, my parents and my sisters. Ugh. It hurts. The devil is such a lair. Because we serve a mighty God, and I know this isn't the will of God for our famiy.
I had to vent just a tad. Lord, please help my father get better and get hime healthy.

I talked to my handsome hunny today. Let me first say, I hate taking care of bills. Its so hard, especially because I'm here and he is there. I mean we both have to buy stuff right? It just has gotten a bit hard lately figuring out the bills/planning a wedding and so on. I still love you though, I'm looking forward to getting my jade charm. :-)

I'm so exhausted today that I need to get rest. I have a large amount of homework that I need to complete by tomm. I must go to bed, I know it will be a couple days that ill go without talking to you. You are headed back to Oki at 2am this morning, taking a 9 hour bus ride to get to the beach then another 40 hours or so on those darn speed boats. Stay safe and keep that head up of yours.

I love you babe-o

The wife

Monday, March 23, 2009

Tired.

These past couple of days have been a tad exhausting. I know I dont work and there is no need for me to be tired right? wrong. I stay up all night waiting to talk to my husband for the short time that I can, therefore that makes me tired. Lately people have been giving me crap because I dont work and I dont care what people have to say about that. If I dont want to work I wont. I dont understand why people think its such a huge deal that I dont work!? Gimme a break, I have a lot on my plate and I dont care what anyone thinks.. I take care of bills, and I go to school, that in itself is overwhelming. I hate doing bills, but I have to.. Of course if that man I married were here I wouldnt have to worry about that, but I do. I have been so frustrated lately, especially being around people. I havent been around people still Derek left and its been hard for me adjusting to being on my own, and now that I am used to it. People annoy that heck out of me. I'm sorry if I sound mean, but its the truth. My poor frickin husband is out there in the middle of some ocean, in some country, doing some sort of training that he will never use.. and I have people over here giving me their 2 cents in lately.? I dont think so.. I just wish everyone would mind their own business and back off. my husband and I are very private people.. we dont let too many people get close.. but my family is here trying to support the both of us the best they can, but I feel like they are just intruding to an extent.. and all I want to do is hope and pray that my husband is doing ok, and that he isnt going without and most of all that all his needs are being met.. I miss him so much.

I love you

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Crazy in laws.

Alright, so I know I am young and I have ALOT of livin to do. and I know I aint that quite exp and all, but I know enough to know about the needs of my husband and what I need to do to be a good wife. well my MOTHER is a complete moron sometimes.. she is the crazy in law that I prayed I would never have! my mother tries her hardest to give the best advice for our marriage, but lately shes been a bit overboard! my parents took me today to go look at model homes, so we can get an idea of pricing and stuff when he gets back. Well, shes telling me all this crap about bring married, and its not going to be easy and im like "yo, I didnt ask for your opionion"gahhh, today has been a bit overwhelming. I'm kinda happy I moved to CA so I dont have to deal with. I dont have much to say today.


Love you babe-o

The wife

How we Military woman do it.

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives, girlfriends or fiances have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious woman who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife, fiance or girlfriend out there who gets bored when her soldiers leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of alcohol always helps keep me busy.)
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.) -- ok I HAVE to add to this one... I hate it when people say, oh he's gone for ONLY 7 months? Mine left for 9 months or 1 year. This pisses me off! I'm considered "lucky" but what can't ya'll just see the fact that HE'S GONE!!! No matter how long it is, it's hard and we cope! GRRRR!!! ~v~
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. I also dont expect you to know that Al Asad is the second largest military base out there. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)
13. "Well in my opinion....."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)
last but not least....
14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom

Saturday, March 21, 2009

another day with a headache

Ugh! I have another headache and I think its from my coffee withdrawls. I wish you were back already to stop me from drinking it so much! My head is pounding. And I did not drink any today. So today pretty much was a lame day! However I am looking forward to tommarows church service. So we will see how that goes. I didn't hear from you today, I figured you men are now prolly on those speed boats heading back to Oki, which is fine by me. I just hope you call me soo. I'm anxious to talk to you. For the most part things are good. I'm visiting my parents. My dad cracks me up. The doctor told him he needs to walk and be more active so today we went walking, when we got back he was walking all over the house with no shirt on and him sticking out his chest. Thought that was funny. My day gets made in the slightest of ways. Lol.

Well I'm laying down, ready to hit the sheets.

I miss you and I love you babe-o

The wife.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Disappointed but I really do love you more!

Alright, So yesterday was a bit of a disappointment when you broke me that news. Kinda hurt my heart Derek, you can be such a jackass sometimes that you dont think about your choices that you make when you make them, I just wish you would have thought things through before you made that rational decesion. But babe-o it is what it is now and its done and over with, and this will make us stronger. I promise. you watch and see. That was a hump for sure. I knew it the whole time and I was just waiting for you to come clean to me you buttface. I still love you regardless, and I know we are both still are learning a lot, together about marriage.. and trust me we both know that it has been hard, we got hitched then you left.. ugh, sucky huh? its ok. its ok.. It was awesome though, talking to you for like 2 and a half hours yesterday. I must say I am one lucky woman to get calls a couple times a day.

well today was a good day, me and my sisters drove back to AZ, yes I woke up at 0500 this morning, I havent been woken up that early since you left! haha. Well we got to Phx about 12ish, I immediately went and changed my name. Its official now. I am in fact a Gonzo now. literally. ha, I talked to your dad and told him. he laughed. your dad is so funny, today he called me bernie. I was like wtf, only my mom calls me that! haha.. ok ok back to the story, so I changed my name and I filed our taxes, the stupid tax place said that you needed to be here.. I was like, whoa pump the breaks.... I have power of attorney and I have every legal document that you need.. pissed me off... Shoot.. your wife turned into a little hothead this afternoon.. lol but all went well and we actually did awesome.. better than we both thought.. and its God. :-) Do you see how God is continually providing for us? He is so awesome.

So right now I am sitting with my parents watching some boring movie, you know how I hate to watch movies, especially if I'm not interested in the movie.. haha.. I am so bored.. I hope I get a call from you tonight. I have some news to tell you.. I am hoping and praying you call. I love you so much..

Babe-o hang in there and I am completely sorry that I was a jerk to you. I overreacted like really bad, so I am sorry. I love you so much and I am happy you are my husband.. extremely blessed.

I love you babe-o,
The wife

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Hello again deployment, oh how I dont like you

Dear deployment,
Thanks to you I've been worrying a lot about the safety of my husband (even though he's not in a war zone area). Deployment because I worry I've lost 13 pounds in the 11 weeks my husband has been gone! I've lost my appetite to the foods that I love the most! I can't even force myself to eat sometimes. I worry at night that my husbands cold, that he's not eating, that he is thirsty, and that he's not getting the proper amount of sleep. It frightens me to think his needs aren't being met. Deployment, you took my man away and because you've taken him away I've dislocated my arm 3 times in the little time he has been away, and yes I said dislocated. I've tried lifting my super heavy TV, moving my fridge. And taking a heavy box of his things up the stairs. Deployment thanks to you my drain the the tub is clogged, yes its backed up with my thick ol hair, and because its clogged up I don't have enough "woman" strength to undo the darn knob and remove the hair myself, if my super handy man hubby was here he would have just did it. He woulda pulled out the tools necessary, laughed at how much hair I've lost, probably gagged a couple times and threw it away, yes just like that deployment. Easy huh? But deployment thanks to you I've developed an outstanding relationship with my father who in fact was a Marine. Deployment, my dad has helped me, and guided me and told me what tools to use for unclogging my drain when it happens again. He has also helped me figure out what tools need to be used for what. Deployment, thanks to you I'm learning how to become handy with tools, yes deployment ill still be a girly girl, still wear makeup and always will have my nails done...

I'd STILL really would like my husband back now

A very proud US Navy wife.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Package from Thailand, are you Mrs. Gonzalez?

Of course I'm mrs. Derek Ray Gonzalez!!! I decided to take a trip to the post office today and check our PO box, not expecting anything I got a package sent from across the world, Thailand! My babe-o sent me some awesome stuff I am so blessed I have a husband who buys me stuff. (Not in some sort of spoiled way) but in a way that shows he is so interested in buying me stuff. My husband is completely awesome. He makes me feel so special, I know I know we haven't been married long enough to "expierence" marriage. But I don't like people saying that bad stuff, "oh give it a year or so and the kissing/cuddling/sex is gonna be over". I don't think so. I hate it when people say that kinda stuff. That bothers me, its almost like people are trying to curse our marriage.

Oh well enough about that.. In other news my sisters are still here and they got into a heated conversation today. (It means argument) but they have been mad at each other for the majority of the day and it makes me sad cause all I want to do is spend time with them and have some fun. Being around girls makes me feel good. Haha I been so used to being around guys (dereks buddies) that it was weird hanging out with my sisters at first. Haha. Lame I know

Well, I'm about to move around some furniture. I love you babe-o and thank you for my stuff. I appriciate you so much

The wife.

Love you babe-o

Bern

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Excited much?

Hey babe! you called me this morning at 0300! I did not expect a call from you for a while. and like I said on the phone I am sorry for being a jerk the other night. I just get so frustrated and overwhelmed with things that I tend to take it out on you and I should not be like that. I'm happy that you called, I was so tired last night that I wasnt gonna even answer my phone. thankfully I did. I can tell you are getting excited over coming back home. And thats awesome, you should look forward to coming home and adjusting all over again. Actually, you got me excited, this morning when I woke up and I have been thinking about is what we are going to do when you get home. And I see nothing wrong with getting excited and our hopes up even with us being 2+ months in this, its actually motivating more than anything. I like that. I tsgood ,its keeping me pumped. :-) I miss you so much, I love you even more. I cannot wait til you are home. I started writing a list of things I want to do when you get back, so look forward to doing a ton of things... :-) that DOES not involove always staying at home. You freak. I love you, I'm about to go running.

Miss you and hope to hear from you soon.

oh yeah, PS. MotoMail was down again today! it says the unit is back to its homestation and I am unable to submitt you a darn letter. :-(

I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU babe-o

Monday, March 16, 2009

Visiting Sisters?

Alright, so BOTH of my sisters are here in the lovely state of California visiting me for Spring Break. and I must say, (not to sound mean) but I am ready for them to leave.. ha. Since I've moved out here and Derek has been gone I am always alone, and now that I am used to being alone... being around people for long periods of time just bothers the hell out of me. :-) (yes I said hell) I have been annoyed by them so much in these last three days than I have been annoyed by anyone or anything in the past 3 months! thats counting my hubs being home and all the little annoying things he does.. (boy how I wish he was here to annoy me). They have me on the go, and I'm not used to doing anything except relax, cook, workout, school and drive!. I am loosing my mind. on top of that, I think I am becoming a little on the addictive side with Starbucks again!. Derek and I were going like 5 times a week before he left, and I swore to myself up and down that I did not want to become another addictive starbucks person. hahha. sounds funny enough right? to make matters worse, there is a Starbucks right across the darn street from our house.. walking distance.. so so so bad.. all the sugar in the coffee is doing nothing for the yoga/pilates/ or running I've been doing.. I need to put the coffee habits to a hault.. I havent heard from My D in the past couple days and its been a little on the overwhelming side. I miss him so much, but with my sisters here my mind has kinda been off the whole deployment, which isnt necessarily a bad thing. to say the least. When he last called, I was kind of a jerk to him! I wish I could have called him back and said sorry.


I miss you babe-o. more than you could possibly imagine. We are now down to month 3!. almost 50% of the way there soon. Hang in there, keep your head up, stay encouraged, and NEVER EVER forget that I am so proud of you and that I am standing behind you all the way, pushing and supporting you every step we both take..

I love you babe-o.

the wife.
B

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Dear Mr. Deployment, yes this ones for you.

Dear deployment,

thanks to you I picked out brand new couches, yes brand new couches and the sofa just broke on me, yes it just broke. The furniture company didn't believe me that it just happened, because they didn't believe me they didn't want to come out to my house to exchange it. Of course, if that man I married were home I wouldn't have to call the furniture company to come exchange it, cause he would have done it without hesitation. It would have been just another funny episode in our newly married life. But he wasn't here. Thanks to you I killed a bug today, yes that's right deployment I killed a bug. I didn't scream, cry or run out of the room. Because there was no man in the house to run to. Just a flip flop laying next to the bed. So I picked the flip flop up and just killed the intruder. Deployment, thanks to you my health insurance, bank accounts and everything else that involves banking and insurance is all messed up. So was my husbands pay check. Things that I never even heard of are all screwed up. And of course there is nothing that I can do about it. Thanks to you deployment I cooked a meal for one today. The thing is, there was still more than enough for two on the stove. So I put the rest in tupperware, and cried. I knew crying wouldn't mean no knock on the door. I knew it wouldn't mean him sitting next to me at the table. But I cried anyway. Thanks to you my bedtime has gone from 10 pm to somewhere between 2 and 5 am. I barely know what it means to sleep anymore. Because when I do finally lay down at night, my bed is cold and lonely. And Tylenol PM is no substitute for a goodnight kiss. Yes I know. This is the life I chose to live. This life full of goodbyes, and being alone. In the corner of my mind a voice told me that as soon as he walked away anything and everything would fall apart. (Honestly though, I didn't expect our brand new furniture to break! That was a total surprise). I knew I would have to face things that would challenge me. I knew I would have to step up and be the man and woman of the household. Taking care of two cars, getting the oils changed, checking the fluid and doing annual maintenance has bettered me. But nothing could have prepared me for all the stuff that I'm learning or how much I've grown in the 2 months he's been gone. In these two months I've handled things that I never knew I could. Deployment, thanks to you I've become a stronger person, woman and wife. So thanks for everything deployment.

I'd like my husband back now.

Sincerely, a very proud USN wife.

enough already

So I keep having terrible headaches! I've stopped drinking coffee when Derek left, (starbucks anyways) but I drink coffee on a regular basis and when it comes to school and homework I drink it constantly to keep me going all night so I can accomplish homework! But for the past few days I've been in Arizona and my parents don't have coffee creamer in sight so I've been skippin out on the coffee. Well last night my parents asked me to go on a walk with them, and I went and my headache was out of control yesterday! I couldn't even move my head anyway cause I could hear the heartbeat in my head literally. Well we walked to target and the target has a starbucks in it! Oh my oh my! So I had to do it! My dad bought me some coffee. Omg almost instantly my headache was gone! And dad went a step further and bought me chocolate covered coffee beans, and I must say they are quite the delicacy! I do not want to get back on the starbucks binge! Please I am good with making my own coffee in our brand new awesome coffee maker! :-). But today I didn't have a headache either which was awesome cause I had a couple of the coffee beans. No lie those things work like a champ! Haha.

In other news, not too much going on. I talked to D's dad today. Nothing new with him. Same ol, same ol. He attends the univ of phx also, and I think its pretty cool he is still going to school. But things are going good, times flying a little bit faster, but at the same time slow as a dickens. I miss you so much! I can't wait til the day I'm back in your arms again.

I love you babe-o

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Frustrated!

I logged on to motomail today to send you a letter and it says that the unit is in transit back to the home station. that bothered me!. All I want to do is write you letters and send you things in the mail and stupid motomail is down.. I am beginning to get a tad frustrated how I was before you left and that first month you left. I am getting so irratated with the small things, that the big things that bother me dont even bother me... This deployment sucks balls. and I wish it was already over so you can do these manly things that "I" have to do.. its hard!

In Arizona.

I decided to just pack up and visit my mom and dad this week. I havent seen them for a little over a month and it was killing me. haha... So I'm here visiting, I have to head back tommarow for school, which sucks but I have to. cant miss one class, or I'll be dropped. I am paying $1500 for 4 classes!. which is a lot for a private insititution. I have so much homework right now that its killing me to keep up with all of it.. and my mom doesnt seem to understand. I think she thinks when I come to visit her that my homework goes in to some sort of "frozen status" she keeps bugging me to go places with her, and as much as I would like to spend time with her, I just cant. Homework overload right now. and I HATE HATE HATE doing homework here, cause EVERYONE seems to call me or bug me in some way or another, and Im not a mean person I just tend to suck it up and let people bug me cause I dont ever like to say no. haha. which is somewhat of a bad thing.
I talked to my husband yesterday! He called me, it was a week since we've spoken but some awesome way he called me.. He was telling me that they are in Korea doing some feild training and he said he has never been more cold in his life. :-( I felt so bad hearing that from him. I wish I had some sort of superpower. haha that sounds lame, but seriously I wish there was a way for me to be there with him.. I miss him so much, the more I been staying busy though, the less depressed I get. which is a good thing, cause it somewhat makes the time go by somewhat faster. I just wish he was home already so I can give him the list of things to do for the wedding. ;-).

I have been having these horrible horrible headaches, like I used to about a year ago. and all I want to do is sleep just to stop by head from hurting. I was prescribed Replex, for headaches.. and well after I learned what the side effects were, I stopped taking them.. one of the major side effects were getting a heart murmor. who in the heck would still take the medicine? thats what I want to know!? you have to be dumb to still take those pills.. crazy, so I just been taking excedrine.. and it works, but it wears off fast.. its a killer..


well, I have to get to the homework. love you babe-o

Monday, March 9, 2009

When God Speaks

So last night, we had a guest speaker by the name of Dennis Torino. 4 time Mr. Universe, 5 time Mr. World, and so on. I can't remember all his titles. Lol. Well anyways, he is such an on fire man of God. He has the gift of healing, and the gift of the prophetic. Well, I went expecting that God would do something in our life, since Dereks not here doesn't mean I can't expect God to move in the both of our lives, cause were one, even with him a world away. Well, I went expecting that God would speak to me through him. And he did. It was crazy. He said that the Lord is going to bless my womb and give me as many kids as we want. He said that a lot of people have tried to curse me and speak death over me, but the spirit of the Lord says he will do the extraordinary. Wow. All I can say is God is on the move.. And God will fulfill his promises, even when they seemed blurred and won't come to pass. As long as we put the Lord first, God is going to fulfill the desires and dreams we have. :-). Today was an awesome day, 2 services and I got a full nights sleep. I should be heading to arizona this week, that's if I finish the homework. Babe-o. I hope you are staying warm at night, I know your in the field in the middle of Korea, and I know its cold there. I pray that your covered and that no sickness comes against you. I want you to know that your making me proud and that I'm here encouraging you. I love you so much! I pray that your blessed :-). Have a good night babe-o.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

The house Hunters

Well you may know that Derek is not going to reinlist! :-( boo. I really really want him to because its perfect for the both of us. Especially me with school and all the awesome benefits the miltary has. The biggest concern derek has is having to go on another 3 or 4 deployments, in which most cases since were attached with the Marines only the finest get to go on deployments like that. Oorahh :-). And being that my hubby saves lives he is right along side with them. So his biggest fear is leaving me, and he has made it very clear to me that he doesn't do well being away from me. Its been difficult adjusting to being alone and taking care of the cars, paying the small bills we have, alont with planning a wedding :-) (but I don't work! Cause I'm in school and that alone makes my day harder). But not working is definately helping out a lot! Ok ok back to the story, since Derek doesn't want to reinlist were moving back to Arizona! :-) and were gonna buy a house and I'm gonna finish school there, most likely he will go to school too, and possibly work in a hospital. So we will see. I want to desperatly stay in san diego, but nope he wants to move back home. :-( so we still have 2 years here, he's been in like 3 years already which is awesome because my husband is a BA when it comes to his job! So we will definately see what the next 2 years takes us.. For the most part he still will be with the 5th Marine Division 3/5 Lima Company. :-). And me. Hmm. I'm gonna remain a housewife and work on the baby making when he returns. :-)))

Friday, March 6, 2009

oh my.

We'll, since Derek has been gone for about 2 months, I told him I was going to work on my fitness for the wedding, and since I'm a stay at home wife now. I am keeping my word. I have been working out 3 times a day. And man oh man I am feeling it.. My abs are killing my. My arms are sore and yoga is awesome. Every part of my body is achy and hurting. Ha. The yoga is making my body more flexible. Its so worth it. I love working out and I can't wait til my hubs comes home so we can run and workout together. I love you babe-o

thank the Lord!

Since Derek has been gone, all he has been talking about is impregnating me! Him and I decided that when we got together that I would get off birth control. Actually I only had one depo shot in Jan 08! And since then nothing to prevent pregnancy! Well in Nov 08 we started getting worried that I or him couldn't (reproduce sort of speak) wheew ill tell you what him and I have been through some troubles! Let me tell you! People thought we eloped because we got pregnant! Which wasn't the case at all! I didn't even want kids. Period. I didn't see myself being fit for being a mother, but of course my stunningly handsome hubby comes along and tells me he is going to do everything in his power to "plant a seed". the "Gonzo" seed to be exact! Well. Before he left we tried, haha like 11 times a night. Whoa, hey were newlyweds give us a break ok! Its alright if were rabbits! Well anyways. I always told him for the longest time! No babies. Please don't. I begged him to not try anything. Lol. Well come to find out I went to the drs for a "PFT" pulmonary function test. Well that didn't happen because I needed a referral. I did have one but I guess it wasn't in tricare. Which was fine with me cause from what I'm told those "pft's" consists of people yelling at you to breathe and run harder. So while I was there I asked the dr if it was "normal" to not have a period in over a year? YES! That depo-vera shot jacked me up! And I do not, I do not recommend that to anyone to take. The dr was like, "wtf, are you serious?". I was kinda embaressed to ask, but I wanted to know. He was like, "are you pregnant?' And my answer was exactly this, "you have to have sex to get pregnant! My husband is on deployment!" Haha I was all, there is no need for a pregnancy test. I can promise you that. :-) so I got blood work done and I was referred to a ferility dr. But looks like everything is FINALLY working and I am good to go for this. All my test results came back perfect! I guess it takes a year for the depo to leae your body! I look it jan 08 and since then. Never took any sort of "birth control"! Scary huh? Well I was and so was derek, actually Derek was more worried than I was about the whole situation. I swear certain things and problems freak this man out, and especially when it comes to my health! So when I told him the news yesterday he was sooo happy! I couldn't believe how he reacted to the news. I was thrilled. I so was excited to tell him. He is so ready to come back home and start baby making again. Haha. So who knows? I just don't want to get morbidly obese where I don't fit into my wedding dress! Derek said he'll gain weight with me.. Haha. I love you daddy! Your going to be an awesome dad. (-::

ANOTHER 3 WEEK journey.

I got off the phone with ya a little while ago, and so I go ANOTHER 3 weeks without you! Actually without talking to you period. No email, no IM. No nothing. Goodness, these last 2 weeks have been awesome. I've been so blessed talking to you for as long as I have, and boy these next 3 weeks are going to suck not hearing your voice, I swear when I don't talk to you everything seems to go wrong and bad. But with you gone I know that I can overcome this lonliness. I will write you everyday. :-) I love you my handsome utterly gorgeous husband. (-:

Thursday, March 5, 2009

nothings changing!

I've accepted that with you gone, you and I are still the same dumb jokesters that we always were before you left. My biggest fear was you coming back a total changed indivdual. All I've realized is that the more I pray for you and the more I ask the Lord to direct and order your steps, I continue to hear the holy spirit saying to me, "everything is going to be okay.". Often times, I always try to think of the bad, and think of the worse that could happen to you, but God told me to stop thinking like that. You are protected under the mighty hand of God. I know I should put my total faith in the Lord, and I know that studying my word, and making my requests known to God, he hears me. The bible says to ask and it will be given to you, I asked for you, and now I have you. I realize that I am a very blessed woman of God. And I know that there aren't a lot of woman who get to go through what we are enduring. But with God, ALL things are possible and I know that if we always put God first in our marriage, our marriage will be a success and we will never fail. :-). I love you so much, I love the way you endure these countless tasks that have been at hand. I love the way you tell me you love me more after I just say I love you. I love the way your beautiful smile lights up my heart. I love the way that you can make a horrible situation seem like cheesecake to overcome. I love you because you are an amazing unique utterly gorgeous individual. I love you babe-o. With all my heart.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

it was brief

Tonight, tonight I talked to you and it was brief, all day I thought of all the stuff I wanted to tell you and talk to you about and I didn't get a chance to have much of a conversation with you tonight. I know you had duty tonight, sorry you had that. Know I'm here, and I don't know how your feeling about the seperation but know I'm supporting you soo much. I wish there was a way for me to truly understand how you feel, especially with you being gone. Its 52 days today! And about 119 days to go. (Give or take). Today was a little rough. I was so eager to tell you about my day, and how I started reading the book you bought us about becoming a family. I read another chapter of that book I'm gonna send you. Omg I'm learning so much more about marriage, actually a whole new level. I can't wait for you to read it. I miss you so much babe-o. I have a headache from thinking too much about you! I love you I love you I love you...

I cannot wait to manhandle you.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Caffeine attack!

Oh my goodness. its 1208 pm and I am wide awake. I had a whole pot of coffee today and now I cant sleep and I have a terrible migrane headache because of it. bad mistake. my eyes are killing me, my head hurts, I have a cough and my throat has a tickle. I hope I dont get sick.. My sisters are coming here next week for spring break and I do not want to get sick.. today I talked to you. it was amazing like usual but today was exceptionally great. I dont know what you do or how you do it, but, man, you make me so relaxed when I'm so uptight and you arent even here to calm me down. but, something about the way you comfort me with what you say and how you say it makes me at ease so well. I started writing a whole bunch of things I miss while you were here and what I love about you.. I also started our wedding vows.. oh my, I have been getting myself worked up over little things.. especially when it comes to you and I cause I cant wait til you are back to do a whole bunch of things for the lost time we've missed.. well I dont have too much to say.

I love you my handsome hubs

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Never thought... whoa

I never thought I would ever consider being a military wife...much less BE ONE.
But the minute I fell in love with you, there was NOTHING else I would want to be...
Some people call me needy...but I'm going to prove to you that I can be independent.
I want to be the rock that you can stand on...The rock that you build your life and dreams off of.
The woman you know will ALWAYS be there when your bus rolls in...The voice that you will forever hear on the other side of the phone.
The only person you know will never betray you... regardless of the situations I am put in.
I will be your shoulder to cry on... and the one praying you through each and every day.
You can trust me when I say..that you are the only one I want for the rest of my days.
You are the only one that I want to call my home...regardless of what state or country we are in.
You are the only man I would travel the world for...and you're the only man I would give up my everything for...
I will walk with my head up and when someone asks I will say with pride..."Yes, I love a military man and I wouldn't want it any other way!"
Some may call me crazy, but that's okay with me...I didn't choose to fall in love with a military man.
God blessed me that way you see...He chose me to be different, to be outstanding, to be a military wife.

When a woman loves a military man..

1.) If she wasn’t emotional before, that is all about to change.
2.) You getting a higher rank could just mean an automatic free lay.
3.) Get her a pair of dog tags, ASAP, This is crucial, she will never take them off.
4.) Most of the time, you losing reception during training is your fault. (Though, she will eventually understand)
5.) Most of the time, everything is your fault. (This especially goes for when she is pregnant)
6.) She WILL start talking like your guys and you talk, including using your last names.
7.) Her patriotism could out-do most of your men... she will be proud... VERY proud.
8.) Be Ready: your car will end up with a yellow ribbon magnet or an "I LOVE MY _____" sticker eventually. (if you have separate cars, hers will DEFINITLY have these)
9.) She will most likely need a pair of dog tags to hang from the car’s rear view mirror. (see 3) 10.) Every week she’ll have "another song" that makes her think of you when you’re away. (And she’ll cry to it, even when you’re in the same room)
11.) If you’re married, she may know the base better than you do... Don’t take it personal.
12.) You will catch her comparing your relationship with "other couples" in the military constantly.
13.) She’ll make 5 million friends online, and talk to you about them all the time because her "old friends just don’t understand" like they do.
14.) Don’t be shocked when she just drops civilian chicks out of her life like flies. (she mostly does this when they complain to her)
15.) DO NOT if you love her, say anything about you not wanting to make her wait for you... (TRUST me men, YOU ARE WORTH every breath to these women, or they wouldn’t be here)
16.) Most women actually do LOVE it when you are sweaty and dirty, even the girlie girls. it’s sexy as hell.
17.) Only bring up the field once, say it clear, and don’t bring it up again. We will remember the time, the dates, like stone inside our mind. Don’t remind us.
18.) You ARE our hero. That isn’t us being cute, it’s us swelling with pride, feeling like a princess every time we glance over and you’re standing there.
19.) Don’t worry about waking her up when you get a chance to call, trust me, she’s NOT sleeping. If she is, she’s been waiting for you to call all night, and fell asleep next to the phone.
20.) Leave at least 3 of your shirts for her... she’ll wear them all the time and if she doesn’t wear them out she WILL wear them to sleep.
21.) No matter what she was like before, she is tough & harder than a rock now. She can handle anything, she will get through it, tears or no tears.
22.) Don’t be discouraged or taken back from her strength. It comes with the territory. When in your arms, she’s still your queen, soft and sweet.
23.) Your kids might see mommy as the one in charge for a while, it’s okay, they WILL respect you, just give it time.
24.) EVERYTHING in her life will be complicated, so she might not always get the simple things you say to her.
25.) Tag Chasers are her WORST enemy, she CAN and WILL spot these girls... random profane comments may come out of your little queens’ mouth... its okay, she’s protecting her best asset...you.
26.) She will spend hours to look good on cam & picks for you, this is just a past time until you get home, be prepared for messy ponytails and comfy pants when you finally do get home.
27.) Her favorite sentences from you start with "when I get home" or "when I get out". Lastly guys,
28.) No matter how much she’s changed, never forget that you mean the world to her, she loves you more than anything, and you will ALWAYS be her hero. Whether you think you are one or not.