"Within you, I lose myself. Without you, I find myself wanting to be lost again."

Day 1 of diet: WOW!
I NEVER thought that living back home and have my mom on my case about what I eat would totally make a difference in what I take in and how much I work out. Actually, I am feeling GREAT! Yesterday I started my fitness training and I worked out twice today! Nevertheless, I woke up and couldn't even move but man I am feeling great. Although I am trying to stick it out and not eat junk food, that is a little hard for me. But I am trying and just within one day I am feeling great about myself. Since we are all attempting to loose weight all together, FAMILY We ALL weighed in yesterday. WE are set weight goals and how much we want to loose. Manuel wants to loose 67 pounds.. He wants to be 180 pounds! Isn't that kinda crazy? Anyways. It's going good.

Other than that, things are going great. I didn't get a chance to talk to you today, but not much is going on except me continuing to look for a job. Actually, you'll be surprised to know that I have my first interview next week with the University of Phoenix. Kinda weird right? but Its a job. We'll see.

Anyways I am off to church here soon, just thought I'd give you my first update on my fitness :)

I love you and I will be here waiting.

I miss you..

Today was one of those days where I did my hardest to stay busy. Didnt really help when all I was thinking of was you, and that smile that I am in love with. I'm trying to stay strong but I don't see this getting any easier right now. I just miss you, I mean I know it's only a couple months but man, today is one of those days where I just want to cry because you arent here to tell me everything is going to be okay. I'm having problems transferring to AZ with univ of phx. They told me that my account was in default and in order to transfer I need to pay everything in full. I dont know who people think they are when they tell people that crap... like I have thousands and thousands of dollars to just fork over.. I wouldnt have that problem that I'm having if I had a buttload of freaking money. Stupid people wont call me back, email me back. nothing. Stupid people make it hard for us students to finish an education when no one is helping them along the way. Anyways, Nothing else is really new except that I looked for jobs and posted my resume to a lot of great places. It took me about 2 hours to fill out the application for American Express. I even had to do a simulation to see how well I was with customer service. I hope someone calls me back soon... at least to get an interview so I know someone is looking at my resume.

Today I watched Mariah all on my own and I must say I got a good hand now changing really bad poopy diapers. She is getting so big. She is shaking her head yes and no now! it is so crazy. She stands on her own and wants to always be sitting up. She is so precious. I look forward to waking up in the morning just to hold her and be with her.. She makes my heart happy and I love her sooo much.


Today Molly Coco lost her first tooth! yes! poor dog was playing with her mouth like something was in it. When I decided to look I opened her mouth and there was a baby tooth hanging by like just a little bit.. I showed Vanessa and I told her to pull it.. and she did.. now our puppy is a little toothless.. I saved the tooth. Vanessa told me to send you her tooth in a letter. I thought that was kinda funny. Molly is getting so micheivious being around Lola and trouble. She doesnt listen for nothing. Its kinda funny, but then it's not because she doesnt pay attention.. lol. But either way, I love my lil cute puppy. She makes me soooo happy. and I love her sooo much too!

Anyways, I dont have anything else to really update or say except I miss you sooooo much! I love you beyond belief! you are the light of my life and I am so proud of you.

I love you ,
Bernadette

Missing my husband doesnt get easier

I really miss that wonderful man of mine. I have been trying my hardest to keep busy. Today I hung out with Chris, we went to B dubs LOL and watched Chris shop. Not too much today. Omg Molly is learning that she can bark at anything and everything just because she can and I wont do anything about it. She is sooo cute. Man I love my cute dog. She is getting so mischevious though that its cute. :)

Other than that, I forgot how much allergies I have when I am here. I feel like scratching my nose off when I am in the shower that is how bad I itch. It is horrible. plus, I am officially cutting back on the coffee that I am having major withdrawls. Its getting better but the headaches just make me want to sleep.

Update on nana. She is doing well, visited her today with Chris and she is improving drastically. The pics of her car are crazy. Everyone keeps saying we dont know how she is still alive. she is a miracle. Today she began her physical therapy. She was in so much pain but she is making progress. She asked me and chris to buy her gum. yes gum :) you know how she is.. :)

Other than that, I know Im blabbering but I dont have much to say tonight except I love you, I miss you terribly. :)

Tonight, I cried

Reality hit this evening when I really thought about it.... My husband is actually in Afghanistan. Man oh man. Tonight was Thursday night bible study. And it was on
Proverbs 3: 5-6. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.". I must say that this deployment is much more challenging than
Last deployment. My husband is in a war zone. I am so scared for some reason and I know I know I know I should really be trusting in God knowing that he is covered by God.
My heart broke tonight, as much as I don't want to think about it, the fact of the matter is, is that my husband is doing great things. Man I miss him soo much.
I must say that it is true... You don't realize how much you got until its gone, this is true on so many levels


I love you sweetheart! You are the light of my life,
The most amazin man that I have met

Xoxox

Molly Moomoo

It's crazy living back home, it's almost like everything went back to how it was.... except now I am married and have a little fur ball with me everywhere I go... and of course Derek isn't here currently. So yesterday I took Molly mo to get her first real hair cut and to the vet. I told the people at pets mart to call me if they needed me. well, they did call me to come get her... she was done but I knew that molly bothered them because the lady sounded irratated with Molly. I asked the lady what was wrong, she said we found out that Molly hates the blow dryer. :-) As much as I wanted to be mad a molly I smiled, she is so funny.. It's crazy how she has a personality similar to me.. fiesty. :)

anyways after the haircut I took Molly to the vet. We waited ( me and Christopher) for about 50 minutes to see the vet for 10 minutes. Anyways, while we waiting there was about 10 other dogs waiting to be seen by the same guy. Chris whispered into my ear and said, "The dogs in here sure do look like their owners." So true! fat lady in there with a obese dog being seen because he's weezing! Sorry to burst your bubble ma'am but the reason your dog is like that is because he is overweight. hahaha Another dog was big and tall, the Lassie dog.. You could tell she was sick, anyways her coat was so long it was dragging on the floor, she shook and stood up and (we counted) 7 ticks fall off the dog! nasty. People don't take care of their pets.. gross.. so after I saw the ticks and fur everywhere I kinda grossed myself out. I was disgusted by the time we left that place. Anyways, Molly is finally being seen and they tell me she has allergies and that I have to give her 12.8 miligrams of childrens benadryl twice a day... plus she has that kennel cough still.. and he gave me penicillian for her twice a day. But shes okay! she is caught up on shots until next year. :)

After I left the vet I went to mom and dads, sat outside with mom and let molly run around. I gave her, her medication of the benadryl and the penacillian. she did NOT like the Penacillian. She was running around playing around I think she got bit by somethitng or she had a reaction to the shots or the medicine I gave her. I dont know but she freaked me out like she normally does... buy dad said its probably because she had a stressful day of going everywhere.. but shes fine now.. that was my day yesterday.

Anyways today, loooked for a job. did homework and watched the baby. My nana lucy got into a car accident today. She had very serious injuries. She fractured 3 ribs and had some internal bleeding. I'm actually gonna be heading to the hospital right now with my sisters and dad.. mom is already there. I guess my nana went to south phx today and she was supposed to be back to the house early morning time, she didnt and my tata got worried and he didnt find out she was in a car accident until 2 o'clock pm. Then my mom called us and freaked us out too.

Well. I am off. I miss you so much its crazy. I am praying for you. stay encouraged and be strong. I love you so much

Round 2-Afghanistan!

Day 1.

Alright, so my husband has been gone for almost two days now. Let me tell you this time saying "I'll see you later" was not as nearly as hard as it was last deployment. I felt so at peace when I told my husband I'll see you soon. I actually felt joy in my heart when I saw him for the last time. I thank God for His peace. I know I have a mighty man. and he is a BA at what he does.

Anyways to go on.... I officially moved everything out of the apartment and into storage where our stuff will dwell for the next couple months. It was so easy at moving everything out then instantly I got overwhelmed because I was sooo tired! But it went well. After that I filled the car, took a movie back, got some cash, grabbed a bite then I was on my way EAST to our home state AZ!

Yeah! so I made it to AZ! and Molly Coco did well with the drive.. that little rascal loved the air touching her little mouth.. It was so cute, it was like she was trying to bite the air. It was soo cute. I love my dog, she has kept me on my toes, cleaning up her poopie and peepee everywhere.. shes like a little leaky faucet. But... I love my little leaky faucet, my lil poopie girl, my lil bald headed hairy princess. :)

I am really starting to miss my husband but I know he is okay. Lately, people have been asking me where is Derek? boy that sure pisses me off when they say sorry that he's over seas! DON'T say sorry~! I know they mean right but c'mon man!.


I love you Derek, With all my heart!

May God continue to be with you. Let him guide you. Remember, you are the light of the world. :)

So much to update on!

Ok, I have been so busy lately getting everything ready for Derek to leave. MY last day of work was on March 5th!. booooo. Since March 5th we have massively emptied our entire apartment! everything is in storage and packed away. Our last day in our apartment is March 25th! my how time flies by soo fast! Derek bought me a lil doggy! Her name is Molly Coco Gonzalez. She is 3 months old! she is a lhasa apso. And I love her soo much. She is the best little puppy that I have ever seen and she is mine! I took her to her first Vet's appointment and she has an ear infection in the right ear. and lately, well, within the last couple of days she has been coughing so much. almost like she is gagging. I told the vet and she said it doesn't hurt her? I think it still might be kennel cough but I just don't want her little body to be hurting. or for her to choke. I just feel so helpless. I want to help her and take it away.

Anyways, My D got another tattoo last weekend. 1 Samuel 17:52 on the inner arm on his right side. It is actually very nice. I like it. It represents him how he feels before leaving to Afghanistan.

Anyways, I cant think of anything else to update on... until next time.
Bernadette

Its time.

We have officially locked everything up in storage, my last day of work is this friday. March 5th. I am starting to let all of this get to me. But at the same time I have mixed feelings. The apartment is completely empty, the other day after work I just sat in my car until D got home cause I didnt want to be inside alone.

I know that all things work together for the good of those who love the lord. I am just so terrified and I know I shouldnt let this affect me the way that this all has. :) on the brighter note, I get to see the family this weekend. We are going back to Zona to drop one of the cars pff.

Anyways. Its about that time we start wrapping everything up in Cali. :(

Getting ready

So Derek will be leaving in a 2 week period. That means that we have to pack, relocate all of our belongings to Arizona. Im really sad that I have to do this, I thought the only time I'd be moving back to Arizona is with Derek when he seperated from Active Duty. Im really not looking forward into the next several months. I kinda made myself cry this afternoon when I "googled" news in Afghanistan. so much bad stuff is going on over there and I now have to worry for my husbands life and proctection. My stomach turns when I think about the life out there. I am teriffied to death and I cant contain it. What am I supposed to do without him here? how am I supposed to go with my everyday life knowing that my husband is out in harms way?